The Rant Box (Page 1 of 193)

I know. Some presenters are just stupid. Not just on those channels, but on mainstream prime time programming. Fern Cotton might be ok on morning Radio One with inane chatter between music, but linking on BBC One on the Jubilee? 

My hate today? The idiot texting in front of me at the lights. He missed the light. He looked really REALLY surprised when I got out, knocked on his window and asked for his phone. I told him I wanted to stick it so far down his throat he'd have a fart as a ring tone.... 

Personally if you text while driving, you may as well drive with your eyes closed.

You can do that sort of thing if you're built like secretagent...   

today's pet gripe;

i'm driving to work, travelling down a quiet street where i can see a pedestrian crossing up ahead. a young lass comes to the kerb, looks, sees me coming from miles off, then presses the button, sees that the decision was somewhat premature and then crosses the road anyway. she buggers off across the road, leaving me having to stop for no reason, and whats worse is there's no one behind me, so she could have just waited for me to go past.

I remember reading about a guy who got out the car and stabbed a bloke through the heart for that. Obviously this isn't recommended, but I do get quite vocal when this happens to me.

Personally today, it's that old favourite - you pull in at the petrol station and the person in front at the pump you want is getting back in. You wait patiently, but no, they're adjusting their trousers, then their mirror, then they can't find their keys, mainly because they're still held in their gormless mouth, then they can't seem to remember where the key goes, so they have to look and check, ah yes! In the ignition, then it's the seatbelt, then the mirror again, then they start the car and there's that noise you get when you try to start an already running engine!, then it's the crunch of gears, then the hesitant move forward, then after five full minutes of them getting back into the car you're now free to pull forwards to the pump. Jesus wept! I get back to the car, plonk my ass on the seat, start the engine, belt up as I'm moving off and the whole process has taken about ten seconds!

Not today's gripe, but a gripe in general - pubs. It used to be that if you wanted a drink and a quick bite you'd head down the pub. A pint and a pie and chips, or scampi, gammon steak - whatever. Then, if you wanted a decent meal you'd go to a bistro, steakhouse etc. And if you wanted three courses, the best food and wine for s special occasion etc you'd chose either a hotel or restaurant to suit your budget. Now, drink is so cheap to buy and consume at home, and the public smoking ban has meant that pubs don't really have an identity. They have become foodie/gastro eating places but can't deliver on service. Sure, the chef does a good job and some dishes even down here in the sticks are worthy of excellent city restaurants. But the service is usually some teen not bothered with your eating experience, or you order at he bar, then find out when the meal comes that you had to go and fetch your cutlery, condiments etc. or that you don't, but the sloppy service means you wish you could, or that they take your order, bring the food but you have to go get yourself another drink, and that the next time you'll see your waiter/server/unbothered dog's body will be to take your plates. So it's plonk, there's your food, goodbye. If its not cooked right, or you want mayonnaise, salt, the rest of your forgotten order then you're out of luck! Pubs were better when they were simple, cheaper (my local's cheapest main is £11.95 for their burger through to £32.50 for crayfish tails - dearer than a nearby 2 micheiln star restuarant!) and you knew what to expect!

today's rant, well last night's actually;

Fed(up)Ex

I get a 'we missed you' card on my doorstep, that's annoying I think, cos I've already organsied with them that they can leave parcels in a safe place...

Alas, never mind, I'll give them a call and find out which parcel it is i'm expecting and see where it is.

Ring ring... ring ring....

A girl answers the phone and speaks so quick I can't understand. When she slows down I realise she's got a canadian accent. (was gonna ask if it was corrine and if she knew yusef, but it'd be lost on her i thought)

The lass asks for my parcel number, I give her the number on the card, it doesn't work. why? because its 11 digits, and it should be 12. 'The guy musta left oot a number' canadian girl says.

Weird, cos theres only 11 boxes to fill in on the card i say. I ask for the local depot number (not realising its on the card, duh) and I tell her my local town.

Oh thats in nebraska isn't it? she says.

Nebraska?! I'm in the UK, where are you?

Canada.

Canada?! What they hell am I doing talking to you?

Don't know, erm.... is there anything I can help you with?

No.

Seriously, a major international shipping company that doesn't know where my parcel is, has 11 boxes for a 12 digit shipping number and when I call the UK number I get Canada.

W.T.F?

And that's another thing - camomile tea... Take a sip, oh I feel so calm now... Bollocks!

Today's rant;

unspecified by-product of the alimentary system 'talent' contest shows, namely 'The X Factor'.

I've posted this here as it'd just annoy the girls over in the proper x factor thread.

X factor, pop idol, britains got talent, the voice, skating on thin ice, strictly come make a twonk of yourself, the list is endless.

Cooking, singing, dancing, making a Pratt of yourself, acting delusional just to get on tv.... If you can do ANYTHING there seems to be a 'talent' contest on tv for it these days, and I'm totally sick of it.

Ok ok, so sure if you don't like it, don't watch it, fine I get that idea. But when tv is crammed full of this crap, what else am I supposed to watch?

Here's the latest x factor line up;

Left to right: who? Who? Mr smug. Is that brittney spears?!

Seriously, who the hell are these people?

My favourite button on the tv now is the off switch. Tv has gone seriously to the dogs. Gone are the side splitting comedies like Only Fools and Horses, Bottom and Shooting stars, the robust and iron clad BBC has now even sold out to delivering an utter crap singing contest. But I will give them their due, they judge people by their singing talent alone and I can recognise 3 of the 4 judges. Shame that the acts were the usual garbage who got their 15 minutes.

Which leads me on to my next point, the 15 minutes of fame.

Now many people say that shows like the x factor give people a chance to become famous and get the big break they've always wanted. Really?

From where I'm sitting, it appears The X Factor is simply a 'Fresh Meat' way of sustaining simon cowell's income. Each year a set of hopefuls apply, we get the nutcases for light entertainment and then things get serious. Girls cry, boys cry, judge cries, we end up with a big final (luckily just before Xmas, well timed mr cowell!) and another 'star' is shat out into the public domain.

Cowell will keep them in the spotlight, get a first album out and then it's into obscurity for you, oh and look, it's just about time we started all over again.

So no, it's not a showcase for talent, it's not the big break they need, it's not about good quality entertainment, it's really all about keeping mr cowell's pockets lined year after year. And I gotta hand it to him, nice one, cos theres plenty of suckers who fall for it. I just feel a bit sad for the 'winners' who think they've made it, only to be thrown on the scrap heap after a year.

Looking through the media these days, there's seems to be an underlying theme;

It's either a remake, a restart, a reboot, a prequel, a sequel, a quadology, a copied idea, a rehashed thought or screen version of a comic book.

You know why?

Because people who make this crap have run out of original ideas.

Using the same ideas or themes isn't necessarily a bad thing, I think the original series of star trek only had 12 different plots and it did ok didn't it? But this simple 'copy and paste' way of making entertainment is killing it for me.

And relax.

  bookie wookie indeed, what a tosser. Can't stand these 'out there man' 'alternative' 'comics'.

Alternative comedy was back in the days of alexi sayle.

I remember seeing that weirdo from the mighty boosh on 'never mind the buzzcocks', he got proper shat on when someone pointed out all he did was think if something obscure then add something even more weird to it in order to get a laugh. He didn't really know how to react. Comedy talent indeed. Noel Fielding? Can't remember.

Anyway, quick rant update;

Freeview: nothing but crap. This morning - karcher power washers, fraiser from back when he looked like crusty the clown and lovejoy. Love joy?!

Debate programmes: what's the point? Get a bunch of opinionated people on, get them to argue over something like gay marriage or are all Muslims terrorists and then sit back while the shouting begins, then oh sorry we've run out of time. Have you EVER seen a debate programme where the guests end up agreeing on something? Also the 'guest speakers' are terrible, leading to the next rant;

One of the guests is 'the official Olympic poet'. A poet?! For the olympics? What the feck do we need a poet for? It's all a bit medevial isn't it?

"sorry ladies and gents, the 100m hurdles is postponed while they check how many hurdled they've put out, so in the meantime let's have some poetry."

What's next? An official olympic jester with bells and tickle stick?

Christ I'm having a ranting day.

My idea of finding the off switch

Trooping the colour and ceremonial duties. Haven't had a Calvary charge since 1914, yet there they are - thousands of horses, swords, ceremonial dress and millions of pounds keeping them. Then combat troops laid off while we are still at war, poor aftercare for injured and traumatised soldiers and an even more weakend military. Yet the horses will be ok, and the swords will remain shiny. Utter bollocks.