26

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

minigeff wrote:
scottmu65 wrote:

Will probably divide opinion but here's my joke of the year:

Spoiler'The Amazing Spider-man (2012)'

Another taken from the very funny Stewart Lee who attepted to write a joke that Joe Pasquale could never steal:

Joe Pasquale goes into a bar. He says to the Barman, 'I'd like a pint of beer please.',

The barman replies, 'Why don't you just come around to the bar, help yourself to the beer and then walk off without paying for it, after all, you, are Joe Pasquale. Or perhaps send in someone else to steal the beer for you and then deny that beer can actually be owned, say that you find the very concept of the ownership of beer hard to understand, or better yet, insist that it is your beer and the you brewed it at home, in your house, even though your home lacks the most rudementary of brewing facilities...'

Here's the vid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YE9Kthyaco

Made me laugh anyway...

ajb007/lol

The joke itself is crap, but it's meant to be.

However, watch the full clip and all makes much more funny sense. Nice one, made me chuckle too.

MG

Yes, he's a comedian who only has two jokes (and sometimes none) in his stand-up routine - what's that about?

He's brilliant, but he's an acquired taste.

I imagine that Roy 'Chubby' Brown and his X-rated shows would be much more up your street, minigeff.  ajb007/lol

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"The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).

27

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

SILHOUETTE MAN wrote:
minigeff wrote:
scottmu65 wrote:

Will probably divide opinion but here's my joke of the year:

Spoiler'The Amazing Spider-man (2012)'

Another taken from the very funny Stewart Lee who attepted to write a joke that Joe Pasquale could never steal:

Joe Pasquale goes into a bar. He says to the Barman, 'I'd like a pint of beer please.',

The barman replies, 'Why don't you just come around to the bar, help yourself to the beer and then walk off without paying for it, after all, you, are Joe Pasquale. Or perhaps send in someone else to steal the beer for you and then deny that beer can actually be owned, say that you find the very concept of the ownership of beer hard to understand, or better yet, insist that it is your beer and the you brewed it at home, in your house, even though your home lacks the most rudementary of brewing facilities...'

Here's the vid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YE9Kthyaco

Made me laugh anyway...

ajb007/lol

The joke itself is crap, but it's meant to be.

However, watch the full clip and all makes much more funny sense. Nice one, made me chuckle too.

MG

Yes, he's a comedian who only has two jokes (and sometimes none) in his stand-up routine - what's that about?

He's brilliant, but he's an acquired taste.

I imagine that Roy 'Chubby' Brown and his X-rated shows would be much more up your street, minigeff.  ajb007/lol

Roy Chubby Brown?

I'd rather tear a bollock out my scrote and replace it with a peeled lemon than go to a RCB gig.

'Force feeding AJB humour and banter since 2009'
Vive le droit à la libre expression! Je suis Charlie!
www.helpforheroes.org.uk
www.cancerresearchuk.org

28

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

minigeff wrote:
SILHOUETTE MAN wrote:
minigeff wrote:

ajb007/lol

The joke itself is crap, but it's meant to be.

However, watch the full clip and all makes much more funny sense. Nice one, made me chuckle too.

MG

Yes, he's a comedian who only has two jokes (and sometimes none) in his stand-up routine - what's that about?

He's brilliant, but he's an acquired taste.

I imagine that Roy 'Chubby' Brown and his X-rated shows would be much more up your street, minigeff.  ajb007/lol

Roy Chubby Brown?

I'd rather tear a bollock out my scrote and replace it with a peeled lemon than go to a RCB gig.

So, I take it you're not a fan, then? How about the Big Yin, Billy Connolly?

Writer/Director @ The Bondologist Blog (TBB)
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"The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).

29

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

SILHOUETTE MAN wrote:
minigeff wrote:
SILHOUETTE MAN wrote:

Yes, he's a comedian who only has two jokes (and sometimes none) in his stand-up routine - what's that about?

He's brilliant, but he's an acquired taste.

I imagine that Roy 'Chubby' Brown and his X-rated shows would be much more up your street, minigeff.  ajb007/lol

Roy Chubby Brown?

I'd rather tear a bollock out my scrote and replace it with a peeled lemon than go to a RCB gig.

So, I take it you're not a fan, then? How about the Big Yin, Billy Connolly?

I'd rather rip the other ball out and swap it for a hand grenade

'Force feeding AJB humour and banter since 2009'
Vive le droit à la libre expression! Je suis Charlie!
www.helpforheroes.org.uk
www.cancerresearchuk.org

30

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

minigeff wrote:
SILHOUETTE MAN wrote:
minigeff wrote:

Roy Chubby Brown?

I'd rather tear a bollock out my scrote and replace it with a peeled lemon than go to a RCB gig.

So, I take it you're not a fan, then? How about the Big Yin, Billy Connolly?

I'd rather rip the other ball out and swap it for a hand grenade

OK. How about Stewart Lee, then?

Writer/Director @ The Bondologist Blog (TBB)
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"The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).

31

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

Yeah he's ok but is less clever than he thinks. A few moments of genius though.

'Force feeding AJB humour and banter since 2009'
Vive le droit à la libre expression! Je suis Charlie!
www.helpforheroes.org.uk
www.cancerresearchuk.org

32

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

minigeff wrote:

Yeah he's ok but is less clever than he thinks. A few moments of genius though.

Ever heard him go on about rappers?  ajb007/lol

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"The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).

33

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

Out of all the characters that have ever appeared on the bond films, the most developed and finely acted is General Chang.

1 - Avtak, 2 - Op, 3 - Ltk, 4 - Lald, 5 - Fyeo, 6 - Ohmss, 7 - Sf, 8 - Dn, 9 - Ge, 10 - Daf, 11 - Tmwtgg, 12 - Tswlm, 13 - Mr, 14 - Tld, 15 - Yolt, 16 - Sp, 17 - Gf, 18 - Frwl, 19 - Dad, 20 - Qos, 21 - Tnd, 22 - Twine, 23 - Tb, 24 - Cr

1 - Moore, 2 - Dalton, 3 - Craig, 4 - Connery, 5 - Brosnan, 6 - Lazenby

34

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

Jarvio wrote:

Out of all the characters that have ever appeared on the bond films, the most developed and finely acted is General Chang.

Now that's just deadpan hilarious!  ajb007/lol

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"The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).

35

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

Glad you enjoyed it  ajb007/biggrin

1 - Avtak, 2 - Op, 3 - Ltk, 4 - Lald, 5 - Fyeo, 6 - Ohmss, 7 - Sf, 8 - Dn, 9 - Ge, 10 - Daf, 11 - Tmwtgg, 12 - Tswlm, 13 - Mr, 14 - Tld, 15 - Yolt, 16 - Sp, 17 - Gf, 18 - Frwl, 19 - Dad, 20 - Qos, 21 - Tnd, 22 - Twine, 23 - Tb, 24 - Cr

1 - Moore, 2 - Dalton, 3 - Craig, 4 - Connery, 5 - Brosnan, 6 - Lazenby

36

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

What's the fattest computer? A Dell

What are mice? Fag rats.

Writer/Director @ The Bondologist Blog (TBB)
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"The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).

37

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

What's DNA stand for?

SpoilerNational Dyslexic Association
'Force feeding AJB humour and banter since 2009'
Vive le droit à la libre expression! Je suis Charlie!
www.helpforheroes.org.uk
www.cancerresearchuk.org

38

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

Dentist to a man: It seems that ya have been stimulating someone's genitals with ya mouth.

Man: Huh? Do i have f@nny furs between me teeth?

Dentist to a man: No, ya got sh1t on your forehead.

Knowing who to trust is Everything in this business.       

TIS  - "The moment you think you got it figured - you're wrong"

39

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

Jewish kid goes to his dad "dad, can I borrow a fiver?"

"4 pounds, what do you need 3 quid for?"

'Force feeding AJB humour and banter since 2009'
Vive le droit à la libre expression! Je suis Charlie!
www.helpforheroes.org.uk
www.cancerresearchuk.org

40

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

Did you know that you can avoid Type-2 diabetes by injecting yourself with Ribena?  ajb007/cheers

No, well where have you been all your life?

Hence, it's a joke.  ajb007/martini

Writer/Director @ The Bondologist Blog (TBB)
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"The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).

41

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

SILHOUETTE MAN wrote:

Did you know that you can avoid Type-2 diabetes by injecting yourself with Ribena?  ajb007/cheers

No, well where have you been all your life?

Hence, it's a joke.  ajb007/martini

If you have to tell people it's funny, it's not. ajb007/lol

'Force feeding AJB humour and banter since 2009'
Vive le droit à la libre expression! Je suis Charlie!
www.helpforheroes.org.uk
www.cancerresearchuk.org

42

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

minigeff wrote:
SILHOUETTE MAN wrote:

Did you know that you can avoid Type-2 diabetes by injecting yourself with Ribena?  ajb007/cheers

No, well where have you been all your life?

Hence, it's a joke.  ajb007/martini

If you have to tell people it's funny, it's not. ajb007/lol

Yes, it be a joke of German extraction.

Hence, it is what ve call ze funnies, yes?

--Stage German accent ends... ajb007/lol

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"The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).

43

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

SILHOUETTE MAN wrote:
minigeff wrote:
SILHOUETTE MAN wrote:

Did you know that you can avoid Type-2 diabetes by injecting yourself with Ribena?  ajb007/cheers

No, well where have you been all your life?

Hence, it's a joke.  ajb007/martini

If you have to tell people it's funny, it's not. ajb007/lol

Yes, it be a joke of German extraction.

Hence, it is what ve call ze funnies, yes?

--Stage German accent ends... ajb007/lol

Zatz eet!! Yor naym shal alzo go on ZEE LIZT!!

'Force feeding AJB humour and banter since 2009'
Vive le droit à la libre expression! Je suis Charlie!
www.helpforheroes.org.uk
www.cancerresearchuk.org

44

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

Feldman's Casino Royale in 1967 was a very faithful film adapation of Ian Fleming's first James Bond novel, much more so than the 2006 film version starring Daniel Craig.

True story.

Writer/Director @ The Bondologist Blog (TBB)
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"The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).

45

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

The overbaked sarcasm approach is wearing a little thin...  ajb007/rolleyes

'Force feeding AJB humour and banter since 2009'
Vive le droit à la libre expression! Je suis Charlie!
www.helpforheroes.org.uk
www.cancerresearchuk.org

46

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

My grandfather always said that "Charity begins at home", but then he would say that, my grandfather, because my grandfather was a Chelsea Pensioner who lived in a nest that he'd constructed entirely from discarded Remembrance Day poppies.  ajb007/wink

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"The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).

47

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

SILHOUETTE MAN wrote:

My grandfather always said that "Charity begins at home", but then he would say that, my grandfather, because my grandfather was a Chelsea Pensioner who lived in a nest that he'd constructed entirely from discarded Remembrance Day poppies.  ajb007/wink

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/images/160x/5697807.jpg

Queeny ain't laughing bud.

'Force feeding AJB humour and banter since 2009'
Vive le droit à la libre expression! Je suis Charlie!
www.helpforheroes.org.uk
www.cancerresearchuk.org

48

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

minigeff wrote:
SILHOUETTE MAN wrote:

My grandfather always said that "Charity begins at home", but then he would say that, my grandfather, because my grandfather was a Chelsea Pensioner who lived in a nest that he'd constructed entirely from discarded Remembrance Day poppies.  ajb007/wink

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/images/160x/5697807.jpg

Queeny ain't laughing bud.

It's a Stewart Lee joke - it being unfunny being the whole point.  ajb007/rolleyes

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"The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).

49

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

SILHOUETTE MAN wrote:
minigeff wrote:
SILHOUETTE MAN wrote:

My grandfather always said that "Charity begins at home", but then he would say that, my grandfather, because my grandfather was a Chelsea Pensioner who lived in a nest that he'd constructed entirely from discarded Remembrance Day poppies.  ajb007/wink

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/images/160x/5697807.jpg

Queeny ain't laughing bud.

It's a Stewart Lee joke - it being unfunny being the whole point.  ajb007/rolleyes

Yeah..... these kinda jokes don't really work in text alone. It's the way this kinda joke is delivered that makes it funny.

'Force feeding AJB humour and banter since 2009'
Vive le droit à la libre expression! Je suis Charlie!
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www.cancerresearchuk.org

50

Re: "Ejector Seat? You're joking!" - The AJB Jokes Thread

minigeff wrote:
SILHOUETTE MAN wrote:
minigeff wrote:

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/images/160x/5697807.jpg

Queeny ain't laughing bud.

Agreed, a case of "I guess you just had to be there..."

It's a Stewart Lee joke - it being unfunny being the whole point.  ajb007/rolleyes

Yeah..... these kinda jokes don't really work in text alone. It's the way this kinda joke is delivered that makes it funny.

Yes, a case of "I guess that you just had to be there..."

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"The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).