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ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

Instead of this line:

Sir James : Must be some sort of folk dancing, You know how I enjoy
Something indicative of the people and their culture, But an Italian themed tavern in Italy ?

perhaps we can have a line where Sir James thinks the tavern is Polish themed because of the poledancing?

The line: "I was at a tavern once that said it had Lap dancing, but I couldn't see a single Laplander in there!" could be worked into the play too, perhaps?

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I'm happy with any changes  ajb007/cheers

"Let his death be a particularly unpleasant and humiliating one."

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Sir James : Must be some sort of folk dancing from Poland. You know how I enjoy something indicative of the people and their culture, but these signs can be misleading. I was at a tavern once that said it featured Lap dancing, but I couldn't see a single Laplander in the whole establishment!
But an Italian themed tavern in Italy?


Does this look OK?

Last edited by Number24 (12th May 2019 18:17)

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I'm having a busy day, no time for more than a quick look. Will have fun with the above later!

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Sir James : Must be some sort of folk dancing from Poland, You know how I enjoy
Something indicative of the people and their culture, but these signs can be misleading. I was at a tavern once that said it featured Lap dancing,judging by what I witnessed. Laplanders are very
gymnastic and oddly wear very little clothing for such a cold climate !

( Only a variation on the line ) ?

"Let his death be a particularly unpleasant and humiliating one."

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That's better  ajb007/biggrin

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A bit of editing etc:

(Our three heroes enter a local tavern.......)

Lord Felix: This be the Confused Gondolier, One of the most popular taverns in the city. Has something called Pole Dancing, and is an Italian themed tavern.
Sir James: Must be some sort of folk dancing from Poland, you know how I enjoy something indicative of the people and their culture, but these signs can be misleading. I was at a tavern once that said it featured lap dancing- judging by what I witnessed, Laplanders are very gymnastic and oddly wear very little clothing for such a cold climate! But an Italian themed tavern in Italy?
Lady Lashana: ‘Tis the latest thing, soon all taverns in Italy will be Italian themed..... or Irish obviously.
Sir James: As long as they have Antipodean tavern stewards, and mead, I be'eth happy. I shall approach yon bar steward.
Lady Lashana: Language Sir James!
Tavern Keeper: Ow ya goin’ mate, fancy a bevvie?
Sir James: Two meads that are shaken and not stirred, and a diet Mango cocktail… or was it coconut? Be you the usual bar keeper?
Tavern Keeper: The other fella is on a break, should be back though, he's a real diamond.
Sir James: I'm looking for a man......
Tavern Keeper: I don't think you're his type. (Aside.) Try Tuesday and Thursday nights.
Sir James: I'm looking for information on......
Tavern Keeper: Surely you must know how? You just push your....
Sir James: Nay, you misunderstand, I hath monies to....
Tavern Keeper: Hey, a good looking man like yourself shouldn't have to pay. Have a bit more self confidence, and a bit more self respect.
Sir James: I'm looking for Sir Malik...
Tavern Keeper: Bloody hell cobber, you’re shooting a bit out of your league there. He's gorgeous!
Sir James: Have you had him in lately...
Tavern Keeper: How dare you just because I serve drinks you think I'll sleep with anyone!
Sir James: Pardon, where might I meet him?
Tavern Keeper: Oh, try the Hammer- it be'eth a tavern and dancing club two streets across. Poached many of our customers. I had hoped instead of getting successful it would fall... But I've given up on waiting for the hammer to fall.
Sir James: (Pushes a bag of coins across.) Thank you, at last a lead!
Tavern Keeper: A lead? Well if you enjoy leads, chains and collars , there is a cellar....
Sir James: How very dare you sir! .… (Aside.) Pray tell, which night doth it open?
Lord Felix: I see you've got the libations, Sir James.
Sir James: Nay, this just the bulge of my coin purse, Now we must make haste Lord Felix, we could be having an audience with Sir Malik.
Lady Lashana: Then let us quickly neck these, and get moving.
(They drink quickly and depart the tavern.)
Tavern Keeper: This never happened to the other fella….

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PS. Loved the Lazenby cameo!  ajb007/bond

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As many speculate that OHMSS may be referenced in Bond 25 ?  ajb007/wink


An idea for the Photo of DC with a spear gun gutting a fish .....

( Sir James by is boat dock holds a strange weapon ..... )
Sir James : My the young Wizard has outdone himself, who would think
a carved leg from the old desk of Sir Miles and the stout elastic of a pair
of Maid Moneypenny's under garments, could make such a weapon, now ....
..... " Lets go fishing "
( Sir James wanders to the water and waits for a passing fish .... enter Lord Felix... )
Lord Felix : What are you doing Sir James, and watch out for falling mangos from
that coconut tree !
Sir James : Trying to catch a grouper !
Lord Felix : The Knave,  hurts the island's tourist trade ....
Sir James : T'is a fish Lord Felix and here one comes .!
( sir james doth shoot the weapon and a spear flies out impaling the fish, which he
carries ashore )
Lord Felix : Wonderful, can you catch chips with that too ?
( Sir James begins preparing the fish as a cat passed by )
Sir James : here have these, and these......
( The feline eagerly eats the offerings )
Lord Felix, None of the Best bits I trust
Sir James : He had Lots of guts.

Last edited by Thunderpussy (13th May 2019 13:14)

"Let his death be a particularly unpleasant and humiliating one."

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ajb007/lol   ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  Like that!

Next in Pisa, Sir James & co head for the Hammer where they find Sir Malik. On his arm is the lovely Paloma. Some witty lines are exchanged over a game of something. Lady Lashana tries to seduce Malik Mercury but he prefers Sir James much to the amusement of Felix, then we have a chase scene. Possibly this is where Madeleine re-enters?

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When Madeleine meets people they should be puzzled that she's still alive and/or expecting her to die any moment, as a comment on fans and the media's expectations.

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Yes, good idea. I'll have a bash at writing this later, unless TP (or someone else!) gets there first.

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First thoughts- feel free to add, alter, etc!

Sir James, Lady Lashana and Lord Felix arrive at the Hammer, a tavern in ye shadow of the famous Tower of Pisa.

Lady Lashana: Now, is everyone clear about our plan?
Sir James: But of course.  Lord Felix and I shalt have a few drinks at ye bar, whilst thou do find out where Sir Malik Mercury is to be found. I shalt then challenge him to whichever game he is playing, defeat him effortlessly, and depart with the beautiful maiden who had been sitting with him.
Lord Felix: Art thou sure that will work, Sir James?
Sir James: Well, it has worked twenty-four times previously….
Lady Lashana: I think mine plan ist better. I shalt encourage him to come away with me to a place of solitude, where both of thee shalt be waiting.
Sir James: Well, we shalt see how it goes.
(They enter ye establishment.)
Lady Lashana: I do believe that is he over there, at a gaming table playing chemin de fer.
Lord Felix: Not poker, then?
Sir James: Not this time.
(Sir James sits at ye gaming table and calls for chips. After some misunderstanding involving deep-fried potatoes, he is able to play.)
Sir James: Banco.
(Across the table sits Sir Malik Mercury, accompanied by a stunningly beautiful young maiden.)
Sir Malik: Ah, a new player. May I be permitted to know thine name?
Sir James: I am he who is called Bond, James Bond.
Sir Malik: Doubtless thou knowest mine identity. And this ist Paloma.
Paloma: Most pleased to meet thee, good sir.
Sir James: And I thee. Come, let us play!
(Lady Lashana sits next to Sir Malik.)
Lady Lashana: Tell me, how ist it that thou do seem to win so frequently?
Sir Malik: It's a kind of magic.
Sir James: Well, now I'm here.
(Ye cards are dealt, and Sir James wins.)
Sir Malik: So! Shall we play again?
Sir James: Aye, the show must go on.

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Once the scene above is finished, we have to have a chase scene in which Sir James falls and injures his ankle.

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Perhaps he trips in the many rewrites of theatre plays laying around?

After he injures his knee the hunky stunt man ….. knight will turn up again.

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Yes, he trips over a pile of rewrites labelled "Purvis/Wade", "Hodge", etc, left by a vengeful Duke Danny of Boyle.

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" Oh, Danny Boyle the rewrites, those rewrites are appalling " #

( sung to Danny boy )

"Let his death be a particularly unpleasant and humiliating one."

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A little more- I'm struggling with this scene.

Lady Lashana: Thou seems to be out of luck this evening, Sir Malik.
Sir Malik: Aye, ‘tis so.
Lady Lashana: Mayhap I could change that for thee?
Sir Malik: I thank’ee, sweet lady, but I prefer to play the game.
Sir James: Then shall we  double the stakes?
Sir Malik: I have no objection.
(They play, and Sir James wins again.)

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Felix needs a few lines; Sir Malik makes it clear he prefers Sir James to Lady Lashana; when James respectfully declines (Felix makes some jokes) Paloma decides to leave with him; Sir Malik sends his men Roger, Brian and John after them. Then we get the chase scene in which James trips as above.