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ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  Brilliant!

I'll have a crack at a chase scene - not sure I will be able to match the wit of the last scenes though!  ajb007/crap

"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."

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(Lord Felix heads off. Sir James enters his waiting carriage. As he drives off, another carriage doth follow.)
Sir James: Hmm, it doth seem that someone is most interested to see where I am going…
(From the pocket of his doublet, Sir James removes a small hip flagon of mead. Polishing it briskly against his hose, he holds it aloft and studies the reflection of the following carriage.)
Sir James (to himself): Hmm, a blond man doth follow me. I pray, is that Sir David of Zaritsky, here to take the measure of my doublet again?
(The blond man leans from the window of his carriage and fires two arrows in quick succession at Sir James, who ducks as the arrows pass overhead.)
Sir James: Hmm, that blond man looks suspiciously like yon Prime Minister, or perhaps his brother who crossed the floor. ''Tis hard to tell!
(Sir James spurs on his horse even faster. Gravel spits from its hooves. Yet Sir James's pursuer closes the gap, his horse larger and more powerful than Sir James's. An arrow whistles by close to Sir James's ear, as another clangs from the footplate on which Sir James stands. Sir James's pursuer leans once more from his carriage, and shouts:)
Pursuer: Cuckoo!
Sir James: Oh Brother! But not that of ye Prime Minister.
(Ahead, ye great River Thames stretches and Sir James realises that he has moments before his steed gallops headlong into its swiftly moving currents. With all his strength, Sir James pulls at the rains and makes his steed skid to a stop. Swiftly he turns the beast and begins to gallop full tilt back at his pursuer. Sir James pulls a small lever and a shield rises from the carriage, against which his pursuer's arrows clang harmlessly away. As the two steeds charge mercilessly at each other, Sir James pulls a cord on his doublet, which drops away. A set of wooden and feather wings sprout from a harness strapped to his back. In the windrush, Sir James leaps and the wings carry him aloft, as his pursuer espies the river too late, and plunges into its currents, shouting as he falls:)
Pursuer: 'Tis no time to fly!
(Sir James floats to the ground)
Sir James: I was afraid he'd say that. ''Tis lucky Sir Leonardo da Vinci knocked this harness up for me while I wast last in Matera. I doth think he will go far.

"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."

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(Outside ye House of Commons, Sir James bids farewell to Lord Felix.)

Lord Felix: A pleasure as ever, Sir James.
Sir James: Aye, for me too. Art thou returning to ye colonies across the sea?
Lord Felix: I must go there apace. Our President hast said that he does not need my services, and as we all know that means he most certainly does, He need-ith some new quills for drawing hurricane progress on parchments.
Sir James: Of course. ‘Til later, then.
(Lord Felix heads off. Sir James enters his waiting carriage. As he drives off, another carriage doth follow.)
Sir James: Hmm, it doth seem that someone is most interested to see where I am going…
( Shouting ) .... Driver  do not Tarry ! ..... forward apace !!
( an arrow, dispatches Sir James driver and he has to take over the reins, and race through the
streets of Old London Town ... )


For when Sir James is knocked out, could he dream of " The wizard of Oz " as I was thinking
Corbyn as the cowardly lion as he's scared of an election.
Boris as the scarecrow, needing a brain
any suggestions for someone who need a heart ?  as so far I'm stumped.  ajb007/wink
( This is only an idea )

“I didn’t lose a friend, I just realised I never had one.”

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ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

Wonderful stuff, guys! I'm looking forward to piecing all the bits together. Love the chase, C&D.

Tin Man without a heart...  Rees Mogg? Great idea to have Sir James dream he's in Oz! He'd make a nice Dorothy, perhaps Felix is Toto? Need some Munchkins and a Wicked Witch....

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Quick thought-

Sir James: Toto, I don't think we're in London any more.
Lord Felix: Woof!
Scarecrow: Nay nay, and a thousand more nays! Dorothy, thou art in Oz!
Sir James: Oz? Then fair dinkum! G'day mate, where's the Barbie?
Scarecrow: Not that Oz! This Oz is ruled by ye Wicked Witch.

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Assembled, except for the Oz dream-

(Outside ye House of Commons, Sir James bids farewell to Lord Felix.)

Lord Felix: A pleasure as ever, Sir James.
Sir James: Aye, for me too. Art thou returning to ye colonies across the sea?
Lord Felix: I must go there apace. Our President hast said that he does not need my services, and as we all know that means he most certainly does. He needeth some new quills for drawing hurricane progress on parchments.
Sir James: Of course. ‘Til later, then.
(Lord Felix heads off. Sir James enters his waiting carriage. As he drives off, another carriage doth follow.)
Sir James: Hmm, it doth seem that someone is most interested to see where I am going. (Shouting.) Driver, do not tarry! Forward apace!!
(An arrow dispatches Sir James’ driver, and he has to take over the reins and race through the
streets of Olde London Town.)

Sir James: Tally-ho!
(From ye pocket of his doublet, Sir James removes a small hip flagon of mead. Polishing it briskly against his hose, he holds it aloft and studies the reflection of ye following carriage.)
Sir James: (To himself.) Hmm, a blond man doth follow me. I pray, is that Sir David of Zaritsky, here to take the measure of my doublet again?
(The blond man leans from the window of his carriage and fires two arrows in quick succession at Sir James, who ducks as the arrows pass overhead.)
Sir James: Hmm, that blond man looks suspiciously like yon Prime Minister, or perhaps his brother who had had enough and went home. ''Tis hard to tell!
(Sir James spurs on his horse even faster. Gravel spits from its hooves. Yet Sir James's pursuer closes ye gap, his horse larger and more powerful than Sir James'. An arrow whistles by close to Sir James' ear, as another clangs from the footplate on which Sir James stands. Sir James' pursuer leans once more from his carriage, and shouts.)
Pursuer: Cuckoo!
Sir James: Oh Brother! But not that of ye Prime Minister.
(Ahead, ye great River Thames stretches and Sir James realises that he has moments before his steed gallops headlong into its swiftly moving currents. With all his strength, Sir James pulls at the rains and makes his steed skid to a stop. Swiftly he turns ye beast and begins to gallop full tilt back at his pursuer. Sir James pulls a small lever and a shield rises from ye carriage, against which his pursuer's arrows clang harmlessly away. As the two steeds charge mercilessly at each other, Sir James pulls a cord on his doublet, which drops away. A set of wooden and feather wings sprout from a harness strapped to his back. In the windrush, Sir James leaps and ye wings carry him aloft, as his pursuer espies the river too late, and plunges into its currents, shouting as he falls.)
Pursuer: 'Tis no time to fly!
(Sir James floats to the ground.)
Sir James: I was afraid he'd say that, we’ve done that one already. ''Tis lucky Sir Leonardo da Vinci knocked this harness up for me while I wast last in Matera. I doth think he will go far.
(Sir James begins to nonchalantly walk away, when a henchman sidles from ye shadows and knocks him out.)

(While unconscious, Sir James dreams he’s Dorothy in “The Wizard Of Oz” with Boris as the Scarecrow looking for a brain, Jeremy Corbyn as the Cowardly Lion looking for his courage, and Jacob Rees Moog as the Tin Man looking for a heart. But we haven’t written that yet.)

(Sir James gradually recovers consciousness.)
Sir James: (Awakening.) … Ye Gods, Felix, what was in that drink?…..
(Sir James awakes to find himself facing 27 dignitaries sitting  in a semi-circle. In ye centre sits a red-haired woman in her mid-sixties, her hands clasped in front of her.)
Anonymous Woman: Guten tag, Sir James.  My apologies for the way you were brought here today. I was not sure you would accept a formal invitation.
Sir James: ‘Tis always possible.
Anonymous Woman: You know who I am?
Sir James: I would think most of ye Western world know who thou art, Frau M-
Anonymous Woman: Nein, no names bitte! Since thou hast recognised me, I am sure that thou knows who my 26 colleagues are.
Sir James: ...i think I can work it out- except for ye Italian leader. I find it hard to keep up with how quickly those change.
Italian Leader: I wouldst say that thine country is not in a position to comment on that subject these days.
Sir James: Fair comment, I withdraw my remark.
Anonymous Woman: Sir James, we have brought thee here as a representative of thine Government. None of ye politicians do seem to have a pair of ears to listen to us.
Sir James: Aye, ye British people have the same problem with them.
Frau Mer…. Er, Anonymous Woman: This we know. Let me introuduce you to a now retired senior member of thine Civil Service.
(Enter Sir Humphrey.)
Sir Humphrey: Let it be known that thine present interlocutor doth hope, nay, wish that thou art to be found in as convivial a state as possible at this current time of day.
Sir James: ...eh?
Anonymous Woman: I believe he said “Good morning”. It was our thought that our message to thine Prime Minster may be better received if thou heard it from a respected member of thine own establishment.
Sir Humphrey: To put it simply, Sir James, certain discussions both formal and informal have taken place involving a full and frank exchange of views, out of which there arose a series of proposals which on close examinations have led to the realization that alternative courses of action might, in fact, in certain circumstances be capable of discreet modification leading to a reappraisal of the original areas of difference and pointing the way to encouraging areas of compromise and co-operation which if bilaterally implemented with appropriate give and take on both sides might, if the climate were right, have a reasonable possibility of, at the end of the day, leading to a mutually satisfactory conclusion.
Sir James: I am not sure if I can remember all that! Could thee put thine message to ye Prime Minister more simply?
Sir Humphrey: If you must do this bloody stupid thing, don’t do it in this bloody silly way.
Sir James: Well, I shalt tell him but I am not sure he will listen.
Anonymous Woman: And that, I think, concludes our business. Would thee like a piece of torte before going?
Sir James: I think not- ‘tis no time to pie.

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( Much dark clouds filter past, allowing the sun to shine through,....... from a haze Sir James awakens .... )

Sir James : Where be-ith I , this looks unfamiliar .... A wheat field, by a golden road,  made of
golden bricks marked with a small letter "Z"..... a ...  a couple of large chested, sizzling gypsy wenches
about to disrobe and ..........
( There is a flash and lord Barbel the keeper of the dream world appears ... )
Lord Barbel : This shall remain a pg 13 dream Sir James, so none of such saucy doings !!!!
( and with another flash he disappears )
Sir James : Oh well, I did try. Somehow I feel I be on a quest to find my Little dog, Felix
( A scarecrow, in the field doth speak )
Scarecrow : There hath been a great storm,  called storm Theresa, we're expecting her to return
twice more , Ah, wiff waff and  nescio quid agam as the French say.
Sir James : I must find my travelling companion who hath transmogrified in to Man's best friend.
Scarecrow : Yes, a mate with an alibi, when the wife asks about your latest girlfriend ?
Sir James : Nay, My dog Felix
Scarecrow : I think he has gone ahead to find a place pf great wisdom, Tolerance and   Brotherly
love, the castle know as Parliament !!
Sir James : how can thee keep a straight face when-st saying that ? No matter I will also travel to
this Parliament to rejoin my friend, if as you say there be-ith much wisdom there, perhaps I shall
discover many answers !
Scarecrow : I never thought of that, ... my Brain doesn't work good, I don't  er....think good
In my family the clever kid became a doctor or lawyer, the real thicko became ......
Sir James : A Politician ?
Scarecrow : ..... a scarecrow !
Sir James : Why not come with me, perhaps Parliament and the wise people there could help you too.
Scarecrow : Why that's a whizz bang Idea, Amo valebat as the Italians say. I be Horace how be you
known ?
Sir James : I be know as  Sir Ja ....
Scarecrow : BORIS, Not Horace, that be me AH ....Im 'omnis homo ad opus righ as my old Nanny would
say
Sir James : Oh Hell, ye can just call me Dorothy !
Boris : Let us away on the golden brick road ...


Any opinions on Making the munchkins Zombies ?

Last edited by Thunderpussy (9th Sep 2019 19:55)

“I didn’t lose a friend, I just realised I never had one.”

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ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  Zombie Munchkins works for me! I was thinking about having the Munchkins constantly crossing the floor shouting "Order! Order!"?

TP, really really nice touch with the gold bricks marked with a small letter "Z".  ajb007/cheers  ajb007/cheers  ajb007/cheers



The above, edited and added to:

(Many dark clouds filter past, allowing the sun to shine through....... from a haze Sir James awakens ... )

Sir James : Where be’eth I?  This looks unfamiliar... A wheat field, by a golden road,  made of golden bricks marked with a small letter "Z"..... a ..  a couple of large-chested, sizzling gypsy wenches about to disrobe and.........
(There is a flash, and Lord Barbel the keeper of the dream world appears.)
Lord Barbel: This shall remain a pg 13 dream, Sir James, so none of such saucy doings!!!!
(And with another flash he disappears.)
Sir James: Oh well, I did try. Reminds me of when I awoke of Crab Key… Somehow I feel I be on a quest to find my little dog, Felix.
(A scarecrow in the field doth speak.)
Scarecrow: There hath been a great storm, called storm Theresa, we're expecting her to return twice more. Ah, wiff waff and  nescio quid agam as the French say.
Sir James: I must find my travelling companion who hath transmogrified into man's best friend.
Scarecrow:  Yes, a mate with an alibi, like when the wife asks about your latest girlfriend?
Sir James: ...er, nay, my dog Felix.
Scarecrow: I think he has gone ahead to find a place of great wisdom, tolerance and brotherly love, the castle known as…  Parliament!!
Sir James: How can thee keep a straight face whenst saying that? No matter,  I will also travel to this Parliament to rejoin my friend-  if as you say there be’eth much wisdom there, perhaps I shall discover many answers!
Scarecrow: I never thought of that... my brain doesn't work good, I don't, er.… think good. In my family the clever kid became a doctor or lawyer, the real thicko became ......
Sir James: A politician?
Scarecrow :..... a scarecrow!
Sir James: Why not come with me? Perhaps Parliament and the wise people there could help you too.
Scarecrow: Why that's a whizz bang Idea, Amo valebat as the Italians say. I be Horace how be you known?
Sir James: I am he who ist known as Bo-
Scarecrow: BORIS, Not Horace, that be me AH ....Im 'omnis homo ad opus righ as my old Nanny would say.
Sir James: Oh Hell, ye can just call me Dorothy!
Boris: Let us away on the golden brick road…
(They walk off arm in arm down ye yellow brick road, ignoring ye sound of Sir Elton John singing away. From some bushes they hear an attempt at a ferocious growl.)
Scarecrow: Oh, ‘tis most terrifying!
Sir James: No, it isn’t.
(Sir James reaches into ye bushes and pulls out an elderly lion.)
Lion: Oh! Roar! Roar!  (Pause.) Aren’t thee scared?
Sir James: Well, not overwhelmingly, I must admit.
Scarecrow: ‘Tis a lion!
Lion: Aye, I am a most scary lion… at least that is what I am supposed to be, if thou readest ye Daily Mail and Daily Express.
Sir James: Oh, boo!
(Ye lion jumps back in terror and hides behind ye Scarecrow.)
Scarecrow: Thou art just a big girls’ blouse!
Lion: Aye, ‘tis so. Always have I been scared to do what I should do. If only I could find my courage.
Sir James: Then why not come with us? We art going to ye wise people of Parliament to find what we seek. I prithee, join with us!
Lion: Why not? Oh, and by the way thou can call me Jeremy.

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( in an unrealistic grassy knoll Sir James and Boris are stopped by a scary Lion ..... )

Lion : ROAR !!!!, Hear me ROAR !!!
Sir James :Yes very Impressive,  isn't he Boris ...
Boris : What ? Oh yes very scary...  braccas dogmata virorum aliorum ego iustus meus !
Lion : Do you really think so ?   Do you think I'm effective as a Leader ?  I don't think
my Pride, think I'm very good  even my good friend Chuka left to join another Pride........ Twice !!
Sir James : We are off to see the wonderful world of Parliament, why not come with us, they are
the most effective leadership in the world and could help you
Lion : would they help me ?
Sir James : if it helps them get some expenses monies, they'll be all over you.
Lion : I'll do that, I need lessons in being courageous and effective at leadership , how do we get to
Parliament ?
Sir James : We follow the golden brick road ahead,  straight ahead.
Lion : I usually take the other, on the extreme left, but I'll come with thee on thine journey, .. I'm
Jeremy by the way.
Sir James : let us away.
( The trio exit ..... )


Just trying to get a basic story set up, hopefully much can be added and changed  ajb007/wink

“I didn’t lose a friend, I just realised I never had one.”

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I was thinking at the end when they meet, the great wizard Bercow ? he can explain that
Jeremy was always courageous  as he gave responsibility to  the lady Diane Abbott and
the lady Emily Thornberry, who no one else would let look after a Goldfish.
Boris always had a brain and could make great decisions, it was just that  he  just made
them in the wrong order, ....... and in Latin.
Mogg, is smiling waiting to to be told about his heart, only to be told that YES, he doesn't in fact
have one, so is handed one in a plastic bag ?

Zombie Munchkins can still shout Order, Order  ( Instead of send more brains )  ajb007/wink

“I didn’t lose a friend, I just realised I never had one.”

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Assembled and next bit added. Please feel free to work on it.

(They walk off arm in arm down ye yellow brick road, ignoring ye sound of Sir Elton John singing away. From some bushes they hear an attempt at a ferocious growl.)
Boris: Oh, ‘tis most terrifying!
Sir James: No, it isn’t.
(Sir James reaches behind an unrealistic grassy knoll and pulls out an elderly lion.)
Lion: Oh! Roar! Roar!  (Pause.) Aren’t thee scared?
Sir James: Well, not overwhelmingly, I must admit.
Boris: ‘Tis a lion!
Sir James: Yes, very impressive,  isn't he Boris?
Boris: What? Oh yes very scary...  braccas dogmata virorum aliorum ego iustus meus !
Lion: Do you really think so?  At least that is what I am supposed to be, if thou readest ye Daily Mail and Daily Express.
Sir James: Ye Express used to have a good comic strip, many years ago.
Lion: Do you think I'm effective as a leader?  I don't think my pride think I'm very good-  even my good friend Chuka left to join another pride........ Twice!!
Sir James: Oh, boo!
(Ye lion jumps back in terror and hides behind Boris.)
Boris: Thou art just a big girls’ blouse!
Lion: Aye, ‘tis so. Always have I been scared to do what I should do. If only I could find my courage.
Sir James: We are off to see the wonderful world of Parliament, why not come with us, they are the most effective leadership in the world and could help you.
Lion: Would they help me?
Sir James: If it helps them get some expenses monies, they'll be all over you.
Lion: I'll do that, I need lessons in being courageous and effective at leadership. How do we get to Parliament?
Sir James: We follow the golden brick road ahead,  straight ahead.
Lion: I usually take the other, on the extreme left, but I'll come with thee on thine journey. I'm Jeremy, by the way.
Sir James: Let us away.
(The trio exit. Soon, they find a man made of tin, wearing old-fashioned spectacles and lounging on a bench.)
Sir James: Get up, man!
Tin Man: (Languidly.) I don't believe I care to.
Jeremy: Oh, go on- have a heart!
Tin Man: (Puzzled.) A heart? And what would that be?
Sir James: It is what makes thee care for other people, especially those less fortunate than thineself.
Tin Man: ...no, I do not understand. Care to run that past me one more time?
Boris: I must admit, I'm not understanding it either.
Jeremy: Well, there's a surprise. Tin Man, would thee not care if someone were to, say, lose their job and have to rely on a food bank?
Tin Man: Could they not simply adjust ye flow of money from their overseas accounts?
Sir James: Hmm, perhaps you should join us on our quest. How should we call thee?
Tin Man: Thou can call me Mogg.
(The four set off down ye road, occasionally squabbling. Eventually they reach a large building with towers.)
Boris: Camelot!
Mogg: Camelot!
Jeremy: It's only a model.
Sir James: Nay, 'tis our destination: Parliament!

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Now we bring on the Zombie Munchkins! (There's a sentence you don't see every day) Followed by the Wizard as above.

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(As they walk towards ye building a crowd of small people walk slowly towards them, their arms held out in front.)
Jeremy: Oooh, they’re scary!
Mogg: ‘Tis nothing to be scared of, they art only Munchkins.
Munchkins: Order! Order!
Jeremy: But they are walking so strangely!
Boris: Aha! Wiffle waffle. They art Zombie Munchkins- they have been prorogued!
Sir James: Prorogued?
Mogg: Aye, 'tis a kind of living death when they cannot do what they are meant to do. They now wander around aimlessly.
Boris: (Innocent look.) Hmm, who could have done such a thing...?
Sir James: Indeed...
(They carry on walking towards ye building.)

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Thunderpussy wrote:

I was thinking at the end when they meet, the great wizard Bercow ? he can explain that
Jeremy was always courageous  as he gave responsibility to  the lady Diane Abbott and
the lady Emily Thornberry, who no one else would let look after a Goldfish.
Boris always had a brain and could make great decisions, it was just that  he  just made
them in the wrong order, ....... and in Latin.
Mogg, is smiling waiting to to be told about his heart, only to be told that YES, he doesn't in fact
have one, so is handed one in a plastic bag ?

Zombie Munchkins can still shout Order, Order  ( Instead of send more brains )  ajb007/wink

TP, do you want to expand on your funny idea above? I'd rather enjoy you do it!

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I'd love to but it will have to be later today, as  it's all
Go here at the minute.  ajb007/smile

“I didn’t lose a friend, I just realised I never had one.”

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Thanks, look forward to it!  ajb007/smile

+ of course please add to mine above if you want.

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( They arrive at the huge doors of Parliament ....  with a horde of shuffling munchkins following
calling out " Order, Order !"  a man in tights and a wig approaches them ...  )

Mogg : these portals of resistance are of an imposing mammoth-isty !
Boris : Eh ?
Corbyn : He said there're Big doors.
Mogg:  ( Monocle falling from his eye ) Good lord, don't you know the Queen's English !
Sir James : Aren't we all ?
Boris : Well actually, I was born in The Colonies !
( The man approaches closer ... )
Man : I be know as Black rod, what is your business here ?
Sir James : We wish an audience with the great wizard Bercow of Parliament  may we pass ?
Black Rod :  The door can only be opened with a terrific banging
Boris : Banging eh ? Sounds like my territory, stand aside .....
Black Rod: Nay, I must use my great staff
Corbyn : I hope they're being paid a living wage and have been allowed to form a Trades Union and
are free from bullying or sexual harassment.
( Ignoring them Black Rod picks up his staff and bangs on the doors commanding them to open )
Sir James : I've seen some big knockers before but .....
( The doors open to reveal a large room with benches on both sides and a large green chair  at the rear,
a deep and booming voice fills the chamber ....... )
Voice : Sit down. Why have you disobeyed my strictest rule and come in daylight?
Black Rod: with Parliament suspended, I thought it safe to do so.
voice : Don't let me interrupt you..................................It's funny.
All that excitement on the golden brick road rang a distant bell. And now,
suddenly, this evening, it makes perfect sense. Welcome,  Sir James..... Cuckoo !
Sir James : ( Clapping ) That's awfully good, a Cuckoo, sounds just right do you do any others ?
Voice : Tu-wit-ta-woo ,  That's an Owl
Sir James : Splendid, splendid
Voice : and look at this........ ( a light casts a shadow on the wall, as two hands form animal shapes )
            a rabbit,  an elephant,  and look here, an Aston martin db10 carriage  ...... why is that man
            slouching on the bench ?
Sir James : Oh that's Mogg, he's very eh ?  Languid
Voice : Nothing goes limp while I'm performing !.... well not for ages, anyway.
Boris : Yes stiffen the sinews old Moggy.
Corbyn : This is all the proof we need, he really is a wiz of a wiz, if ever there was.

“I didn’t lose a friend, I just realised I never had one.”

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ajb007/biggrin  ajb007/biggrin  ajb007/biggrin

Can't wait to see the rest! I've assembled what we have so far at https://www.ajb007.co.uk/post/957984/#p957984

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( From behind the speakers chair, comes the sound of a scuffle and barking ...... a white haired
man in a colourful tie falls out on the floor followed by Felix the dog ... )

Boris : Who be-ith  He, Sir James ?
Sir James : He is the Wiz, I fancy
Mogg : I don't agree with that sort of thing, Old man. I'm very traditional in my ways.  A marriage is
between one man and .... several off shore banking accounts.
Corbyn: But He sounds nothing like the Wizard Bercow
Sir James : A voice box, Jeremy. Science was never my strong suit,
but the principle is easy enough, a loud haler cone, to make him sound
louder and more impressive.
Corbyn : I must get one of those.
The Wiz : Please call your dog off, Bloody hell he'll try and shag anything
Sir James : Felix !!
( Felix rushes to Sir James and magically returned to human form )
Sir James : Who's a good boy. who loves his Daddy ?...
Lord Felix : Good to see you again Sir James , ......... Please Sir James stop rubbing my
Tummy and  patting my head.
Sir James : Sorry, Felix. Why don't you lie down and let me give you a Blow............. by blow
account.
The Wiz : Why have you come here ? and upset my chilling mood.
Sir James : We have come with requests ....
The Wiz : Nay no Songs, ........ well maybe a Queen medley but none of that Ed Sheeran sh1te !
Sir James : Requests of a magical nature, as you are in control of Parliament, so have great power.
The Wiz : We must make haste, I can hear the zombie munchkins at the doors,
Sir James : This be Boris, a scarecrow of limited means who would like to be, in his words
" Gooder at doing stuff "
( The Wiz, looks Boris over and produces a small pouch, which he passes to Boris )
The Wiz : Look upon your work, the white make-up in this bag with the other colourful
make-up. Your best calling has always been your first. Be a Clown, all the world loves a
Clown. That's why you make bad decisions, you should be making custard pies !!
Boris : Thank-you Wiz, I shall change my ways.
Thwe Wiz : This fellow ?
Sir James : Corbyn, a lion who hath no courage, so would like some.
The Wiz : Fear is nothing to be feared...... just controlled. Look at those who you employ.
the lady Diane Abbott and the lady Emily Thornberry ?  Most wouldn't leave them in charge
of a bucket of poo, But you do. You're not frightened of the derision, ..... You already have
all the courage you need !
Corbyn : Yes, I can see it now " I am Invincible "
Boris : Up for an election ?
Corbyn : We're gonna need a bigger Vote !
Sir James : Lastly we have Mogg here. Who needs a heart.
The Wiz : From what I've seen I can do nothing for Mogg, he really is Heartless.
Mogg : Can you not facilitate such an acquisition ?
The Wiz: Here take this.
( He passes another pouch to Mogg )
The Wiz : This pouch contains a heart, ...... some kidney, bacon, beef sausage, lamb chops and mushrooms, topped off with a fried egg. It's a Mixed grill .
Sir James : Hooray, we have all got our wishes granted ....
Mogg : Well I haven't .......
( Sir James pushes him back on to a bench )
Sir James : We have ALL had our wishes granted, Courage, Brains, my Old Friend  Back and a
slap up mixed grill for afters.  Listen  even the munchkins sound different.  They sound Happy
( From outside comes a chant from a lone bystander  )
man : STOP BREXIT !!!
Mogg : Is HE STILL HERE !!
The Wiz : The doors,  UNlock the doors.
Lord Felix : Listen they're singing, about licking and sucking on a hard, ..... Brexit ?
Sir James : Nay, It's about the Lollipop guild.

“I didn’t lose a friend, I just realised I never had one.”

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Re: Shakespeare's Bond: Work area (All welcome!)

Tee Hee, Tee Pee!  ajb007/lol  ajb007/bond Some nice touches there.

All edited and assembled at https://www.ajb007.co.uk/post/957984/#p957984 plus a few more lines & jokes that occurred while putting it all together.

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The ending (please feel free to change this!):

Ye throne room of Sir Gareth Mallory.

Sir James: ….so that ist what happened, sire.
Sir Gareth: Thou have been given a mission by this anonymous woman and her cohorts to give their message to our Prime Minister?
Sir James: Aye, ‘tis so. Do you think he will listen?
Sir Gareth: ‘Tis worth a try.
Sir James: ‘Tis no time to-
Sir Gareth: Enough, Naught Naught Seven! But be thou aware, Sir Guy Fawkes hath escaped from ye Tower Of London- methinks thou may come across him in thine mission.

(Outside ye Houses of Parliament. Sir James finds his way blocked by a large crowd of people, shouting and waving placards saying “Stop ye Coup”.)
Sir James: What ist going on here?
Protestor: We art protesting against what hath been happening to our government!
Sir James: Good luck with that.
(Sir James continues, coming next to a smaller crowd of people, shouting and waving placards.)
Sir James: Art thee protesting against what hath happened to our government, too?
Ex-Minister: Nay, we ARE the government! Or at least we used to be…
(Sir James next fights his way past hordes of reporters, all frantically seeking someone to interview.)
Reporter: You there! Have you been prorogued?
Sir James: Nay, ‘tis just these tights- I must get a better tailor.
(Outside No.10, Sir James speaks to one of ye constables on duty.)
Sir James: ‘Tis most important that I have a word with ye Prime Minister.
Constable: Alack, he ist in Aberdeen wrestling with a bull.
2nd Constable: Nay, he ist in Ireland, being ignored by their Taois… Taiose… er, their leader.
Sir James: ‘Tis madness! I must get out of here.
(Sir James hides beneath Westminster Bridge. There, he spies a familiar figure in ye shadows, struggling with a fuse and two flints.)
Sir James: Greetings, Sir Guy.
Guy Fawkes: What? Sir James! I suppose thou have been sent to bring me back into gaol.
Sir James: Nay, I have a better idea. (Produces a box of matches.) Would you like a light?
Guy Fawkes: Most certainly.
Sir James: ‘Tis definitely time to Guy!

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Re: Shakespeare's Bond: Work area (All welcome!)

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol   ajb007/martini

“I didn’t lose a friend, I just realised I never had one.”

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Re: Shakespeare's Bond: Work area (All welcome!)

ajb007/cheers  Glad you approve!

The whole thing at https://www.ajb007.co.uk/post/957984/#p957984

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If we get round to doing another one along similar lines (you never know, though I haven't any ideas right now), then at least we have a title courtesy of Her Majesty's Government:

YELLOWHAMMER

ajb007/biggrin