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Shouldn't it be "and to comply with my request he gave me the " contagious "?  Or is it just a case of me not getting the joke get the joke?

2,427

Re: Shakespeare's Bond: Work area (All welcome!)

It's a pun which works in English, N24.

2,428

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Kva? Brukar me engelsk?
Please explain it to me …. ( in a PM if it's worse than PG)

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ajb007/biggrin also I'd like to point out it's a
Very, very, very old joke.  ajb007/wink

“I didn’t lose a friend, I just realised I never had one.”

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Well, it's new to me. And now it's been explained to me in a PM I can enjoy it even more than the rest of you  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

2,431

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TP's idea in this context-

(Lord Felix makes his leave. Sir James returns to ye bar.)
Sir James: Now, where was I...? Oh yes- Three measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of-
(There is another knock on ye door.)
Sir James: Oh, blast!
(Sir James opens ye door to find a figure dressed all in white paper, with a mask covering the lower half of its face.)
Sir James: Aye?
Figure: Mmmf knff ummf tmm thkkk.
Sir James: What?
(The figure pulls down its facemask.)
William of Tanner: Greetings, Naught Naught Seven, 'tis I.
Sir James: Tanner! What hath brought thee to mine abode?
William of Tanner: Sent have I been by ye Young Wizard to bring thee this parcel.
Sir James: Ah, 'tis mine new sword, I have no doubt.
William of Tanner: He hath begun using a new word, for which I hath never heard before- "contagious".  Could ye explain, so I may better understand?
Sir James : Aye, this a new scientific word which doth mean how the plague can spread across our realm.
William of Tanner: Most interesting .. could ye use the term " contagious " in a sentence for us?
Sir James: Aye, I did ask the Young Wizard for this new sword and to comply with my request it took the "contagious"!
William of Tanner: Huh? Kva? Brukar me engelsk? Please explain it to me ….
Sir James: (Impatiently.) It took the cu-
William of Tanner: Ah! I get it now, no need to tell me 24 times.
Sir James: ajb007/biggrin Also I'd like to point out it's a very, very, very old joke.  ajb007/wink
William of Tanner: Well, 'tis new to me. Now, Naught Naught Seven, I had best be on my way.
(William of Tanner makes his leave. Sir James returns to ye bar, again.)
Sir James: I'll get this drink yet. Now, six measures of-

2,432

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I had fun with that!

2,433

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ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."

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Are you absolutely sure what "Kva? brukar me engelsk?" actually means?  ajb007/biggrin
I bet it's not easy to translate on google.

2,435

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Nope, not a clue. I simply transcribed both your and TP's posts.

2,436

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You're safe. I just wrote: What? Are we using English?"

2,437

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ajb007/lol   I'll do some more tomorrow, once I've figured out who next interrupts Sir James' drink.

2,438

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How about something along these lines? Feel free to add, amend or discard!  ajb007/martini

Sir James: I'll get this drink yet. Now, six measures of-
(There is yet another knock at ye door)
Sir James: Gadzooks! Who ist it this time?
(Sir James opens ye door. An elderly lady appears and curtsies).
Elderly lady: Good morrow, s'.
Sir James: Why, Maid May, my elderly Scottish treasure! ''Tis good to see thou finally appear in the story. Hast though come to prepare me a nice breakfast, scrambled eggs from French Marans he-
Maid May: No, s'. I hast come for mine package - mayhap it was delivered earlier in this scene?
(Sir James scrolls upward and recalls ye parcel from ye Wizard).
Sir James: Aye, May, ''tis true, a parcel was delivered, but it from mine colleague, ye Wizard. ''Tis marked "Open me not before November", and I believe ''tis for me. For what awaitest thou?
(Maid May seems somewhat crestfallen).
Maid May: A package from ye big apothecary store, s', Amazonia. It carries some tatties and neeps. A haggis. Some mars bars in ye batter. And some alcohol for double-cleaning the hands after washing. And some extra rolls of paper for ye toile-
Sir James: Alcohol thou sayest? Kina Lillet? When finally, I can enjoy the Vesper I hath been attempting to make all this scene, I'd like it dry.
Maid May: I'm afraid not, s'.
(Sir James sighs).
Sir James: It seems then, 'tis no time for dry.

Last edited by Charmed & Dangerous (20th Mar 2020 05:48)

"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."

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ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  Great, C&D! I didn't think of it being May next!

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Maid May: Since I am here s', I might as well clean the place up and make thee some food?
Sir James: Why, of course Maid May.
Maid May: I shall start in ye kitchen.
Sir James: (Puzzled.) Kitchen? I did not know we did have a kitchen! I knowest where ye bed ist, and ye bar, but where ist this kitchen ye speak of?
Maid May: (Long suffering.) In ye same place it hast always been, s'. Perhaps I should make a small fry up?
Sir James: Nay, Maid May, 'tis no time to fry.
(A carrier pigeon doth arrive, cooing gently. Sir James unwraps ye message from its leg.)
Sir James: A message from Sir Gareth- he doth say... "I thought I told you to stop doing that."

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( Sir James doth sigh loudly ... )
May : No time to sigh S' .... no comfort in a sigh.
Sir James : ye sound like a minstrel  May

“I didn’t lose a friend, I just realised I never had one.”

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(Sir James doth sigh loudly ... )
May : No time to sigh S' .... no comfort in a sigh.
Sir James : ye sound like a minstrel, surely.
May: Alack, I am not Shirley.

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ajb007/lol
Love the S' the closest  she ever got to Sir  ajb007/martini

“I didn’t lose a friend, I just realised I never had one.”

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I'm thinking of having 2 varlets burst through the door to attack Sir James, one grabbing hold of May as hostage. Sir James is naturally infuriated by this and makes short work of the varlets.
Trouble is, making that funny.

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Could start with a Dirty Harry homage..
With Sir James say May's been serving
Him coffee for years and knows he  doesn't
Take sugar ? Possibly  about the length of
Time to boil his eggs ?
After Sir James walks in to the kitchen, to
Prove to himself it exists , to find two knaves
With May ?
Perhaps with Sir James having trouble getting
His sword out so May goes in to Matrix  mode ?

After the fight Sir James could ask is she's had any special combat training, with May saying No, I just do a little " Bouncer " work at the weekends ? And I used to be housekeeper  to Sir Oliver Reed, t'was a regular  occurrence  most weekends.

Last edited by Thunderpussy (20th Mar 2020 11:29)

“I didn’t lose a friend, I just realised I never had one.”

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1st thoughts-

Maid May: I shalt get to work in ye kitchen- ‘tis through that door there.
(Maid May goes through ye door.)
Sir James: Oh, is that what that door ist for? Often have I wondered.
(After a few moments Maid May returns and hands Sir James a cup.)
Maid May: Here, s’, some coffee while ye wait.
Sir James: I thank’ee.
(Maid May returns to ye kitchen. Sir James takes a sip of ye coffee then spits it out in confusion and horror.)
Sir James: Sugar??? All these years Maid May hast been making mine coffee and she hands me one full of sugar???
(He goes into ye kitchen to find two varlets, one with Maid May in a neckhold.)
1st Varlet: Take care, Sir James.
Sir James: Ye had better hope that thou hath not hurt Maid May!
2nd Varlet: Oh? And what do ye propose to do about it?
Sir James: This.
(Like lightning Sir James reaches for one of Maid May's patented eggs, hard-boiled for thirty-five minutes exactly, and unerringly throws it into ye First Varlet's face. Writhing in agony, ye First Varlet lets go of Maid May as ye Second Varlet makes to stab Sir James who expertly dodges his thrust and goes to draw his sword. It is stuck, and he struggles to draw it free from ye scabbard.)
Sir James: Oh, shi-
(Maid May kicks out at ye First Varlet's legs, sending him to ye floor. Instantly, she leaps into ye air and, seemingly in slow motion, thrusts both feet into ye Second Varlet's chest causing him to crash into ye wall, dazed. She then picks up a pot and smashes it into ye First Varlet's skull rendering him unconsc... uncon.. knocked out.)
Sir James: Maid May! Hast thee had any special combat training?
Maid May: Nay, I just do a little Bouncer work at the weekends. And I used to be housekeeper to Sir Oliver Reed, this was a regular  occurrence  most weekends.

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ajb007/cheers  ajb007/cheers  TP!

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Sir James: Now, where did that pigeon go…? Ah, here it is.
(Sir James quickly writes a note and attaches it to ye pigeon’s leg before carrying it to ye window and setting it free.)
Maid May: What art thou doing, s’?
Sir James: I have asked mine liege Sir Gareth to send some men round to pick up these varlets. Now that I know where ye kitchen is, I do not want to step over them every time I go in there.
Maid May: Hmm, I doubt if that shalt be often.
Sir James: Now, I do believe it ist most definitely time for a drink! Three measures of-
(There ist a knock on ye door.)
Sir James: That was fast!

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(He opens ye door to find ye Young Wizard, carrying a satchel and accompanied by four of Sir Gareth's men.)
Young Wizard: Greetings, Naught Naught Seven. We have received thine message- this team will take ye varlets away for questioning.
Sir James: Most efficient.
(Ye varlets are dragged away.)
Maid May: Methinks I shalt go as well, s', all this excitement ist too much for me.
Sir James: But of course. Fare thee well, Maid May.
(Maid May exits, leaving Sir James alone with ye Young Wizard.)
Young Wizard: Thine attention I crave, Naught Naught Seven. Behold this-

Now we need a bunch of gadgets, the sillier the better.

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No, scratch that, I've had a better idea (saving Q till later)-

(He opens ye door to find a most comely young maiden, accompanied by four of Sir Gareth's men.)
Maiden: Greetings, Naught Naught Seven, sent have we been by Sir Gareth.
Sir James: And very quickly, too.
Maiden: We have received thine message- this team will take ye varlets away for questioning.
Sir James: Most efficient.
(Ye varlets are dragged away.)
Maid May: Methinks I shalt go as well, s', all this excitement ist too much for me.
Sir James: But of course. Fare thee well, Maid May.
(Maid May exits.)
Maiden: I thought I should stay, in case ye need help finding ye... stationery.
Maid May: (Walking away.) Stationery? He cannot even find ye kitchen!

But we need a suitable name for the maiden...