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Topic: Imaginary conversations

Some of these have a grain of truth in them, but  don't be looking for accuracy.



Mid 1950s.(London.)

Chandler: Another drink, Ian?
Fleming: But of course. Three measures of Gordon's, one of-
Chandler: Yes, I think we've all got the recipe by now. Ian, you must try harder to merge genre fiction with your literary ambition.
Fleming: I know, but it's all getting too much for me. In fact, I'm considering not continuing the series, and that could mean the death of Bond.
Chandler: Oh, don't do that my boy!
Fleming: What do you mean?
Chandler: I'd never kill off Philip Marlowe, I might need him again someday. In my next book, I'm going to marry him off!
Fleming: Hmmm.... marry him off...
Chandler: Yes, less of a big sleep and more of a long goodbye.
Fleming: Thanks, Ray, I'll keep that in mind for later.
Chandler: So, you won't kill him off then?
Fleming: I'll give it some thought. I'd never say never again.
Chandler: Be careful now...



Late 1950s (Fleming’s Jamaica villa, Goldeneye)

Kevin: So, guys, it’s time we got down to writing this thing.
Ian: But of course. I have this idea about a plane-
Jack: A planeload of celebrities! It gets hijacked and Bond has to save them all?
Ian: Well, I was thinking more of a warplane with atomic bombs onboard.
Jack: Right! And it comes down in the Bahamas-
Ian: And an evil organisation steals the two bombs-
Jack: And threatens the Western powers-
Ian: And Bond gets sent there, where he meets-
Jack: His American pal Felix-
Ian: And the beautiful Domino, who is the mistress of the mysterious Largo-
Jack: Who works for the evil organisation-
Ian: Called SPECTRE. The leader is called Ernst Stavro Blofeld-
Jack: And their HQ is in Paris-
Ian: And they bribe a NATO pilot called Petacchi-
Jack: Whose sister is the beautiful Domino-
Ian: Who Bond seduces. There’s a lot of swimming underwater-
Jack: As Bond and Felix go hunting for the plane-
Ian: Which they find, but Largo has already hidden the bombs-
Jack: And we have this great underwater battle-
Ian: At the end of which Largo has Bond at his mercy, till he’s killed by Domino.
Kevin: (Scribbling away.) Sounds great guys. Let me just add “Written by Kevin McClory, Jack Whittingham and Ian Fleming” and we’re ready to go.




Late 1970s (On set.)

Roger: My name’s Bond, James Bond.
Lewis: Cut! And print! Ok, everyone, that’s us for the day.
Cubby: Well done as usual, Roger.
Roger: Thanks, Cubby. Fancy a game of backgammon?
Cubby: (Looks at watch.) Not enough time- let’s go and see how Maurice is doing shooting the titles.
(They wander over to the next set, where Maurice Binder is busy with a succession of beautiful models in various stages of nudity.)
Maurice: Hi guys, just give me a moment here.
(He kneels before one of the models and works away.)
Roger: I, er, hate to disturb a man at his work Maurice, but what exactly are you up to?
Maurice: I’m smoothing down her pubic hair with this Vaseline so it won’t show in silhouette. Got to keep the censor happy.
Cubby: (Jaw dropping.) Pubic hair? Vaseline?
Roger: Let me get this straight- Cubby, you’re the producer of this movie and I’m the star. Why does HE get all the good jobs?




Late 1980s. (On set, open air.)

John: Right, Tim, all I need is a few close-ups of you on this plane model and then we’ll get Paul Weston to take over for the really high shots.
Timothy: It doesn’t look that hard, John, I’d like to have a crack at that myself.
John: No can do, Tim, the insurance company won’t have it. Cubby would have both our heads.
Tim: Well, Cubby isn’t here- go on, let me try.
John: (Doubtfully.)  Hmm… just be careful.
(Dalton gets onto the plane, high up in the air, as Glen starts filming. Behind them, Cubby’s Rolls drives up to the set and he gets out.)
Cubby: Morning, John.
John: Ah… hello, Cubby.
Cubby: Shooting going well? Where’s Tim?
John: (Stalling for time.) Tim?
Cubby: Yes, where’s Tim?
(Glen points abashedly up in the air.)
Cubby: GET HIM DOWN!!! GET HIM DOWN NOW!!!

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Re: Imaginary conversations

Mid 1970s. (On set of "The Satanic Rites Of Dracula")

Dracula: Now I have you at my mercy, Van Helsing.
Van Helsing: (Produces crucifix) Not so fast, Count Dracula!
Director: Cut! And print!
Cushing: So, how are the kids Chris?
Lee: Oh, they're fine Peter. My wife asks if you want to come for dinner on Saturday.
Cushing: That would be lovely, thanks. Did you enjoy that James Bond film you did?
Lee: It was great fun! I enjoyed it very much- well, except for Harry Saltzman of course.
Cushing: Do you think you'll be back for another?
Lee: Shouldn't think so, I was killed at the end.
Cushing: That should not be a problem- I've killed you seventeen times in this series and here we are shooting another one!
Lee: What have you got next?
Cushing: Oh, a chap named Lucas has sent me a script- some sort of space wars thing.
Lee: What's your character name?
Cushing: I think it's Grand Moff Tarkin or something like that.
Lee: Hmm, that'll never amount to much. You won't catch me doing that!
Director: Back on set please, gentlemen.

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Re: Imaginary conversations

1965. (A recording studio.)

Barry: Now, Tom, this is in a very high key. You'll need to watch the high B at the end-
Jones: Yeah, yeah. Gimme the mike.

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Re: Imaginary conversations

Barbel wrote:

1965. (A recording studio.)

Barry: Now, Tom, this is in a very high key. You'll need to watch the high B at the end-
Jones: Yeah, yeah. Gimme the mike.

Jones: Good lyrics about Largo, Don
Black: No they’re about Bond
Jones: Really? Most of the words seem to be about Largo to me
Black: Well, I suppose they could apply to both but does it matter? No one’s gonna be talking about it in 2020 are they?

Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.

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Re: Imaginary conversations

A Turkish hillside. 1963.


YOUNG: And…back on set please, next up we’re going to shoot the exterior of the train as it goes by.
CUBBY: Where’s Ian?
YOUNG…who?
CUBBY: Fleming. Haven’t seen him lately. He was wearing a white jumper and carrying a stick…
YOUNG: Can’t worry about things like that now, chaps. Everyone back on set.
CUBBY: Where has the fellow got to?
YOUNG: Never mind. Extra in the white jumper with the cane, start walking…
CUBBY: He looks familiar…
YOUNG: Haven’t time for that now, gents. Extra over there- stand by the train when it passes, will you? Clapperboard at the ready…
CUBBY: Oh dear, where can he have gone?
YOUNG: ...Action!

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Re: Imaginary conversations

ajb007/biggrin  ajb007/biggrin  ajb007/biggrin  That's the idea, guys!


Early 2000s. (On set.)

Brosnan: Could you just run over that one more time, please?
Tamahori: Sure, you're on this ice cliff, see, and trying to get the parachute off the vehicle you've been using.
Brosnan: Ice cliff... parachute...
Tamahori: Then the ice cliff falls into the water, but you're ok cos you got this parachute and you parasail over the waves and back to land.
Brosnan: Parasail...
Tamahori: Don't look so worried, Pierce, we'll fix it up with a bit of CGI. It's gonna be great!

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Re: Imaginary conversations

Stratford-upon-Avon, early 1600s

Anne: Good morrow, husband, I trust thee hath slept well?
Will: Good morrow, Anne. Nay, I hath had a sleepless night.
Anne: Prithee, sire, that causes me great sorrow to hear. May I enquire as to the reasons for thine sleeplessness? Wast thou carousing at Ye Royal Gambling Tavern again?
Will: Why Anne, I was plagued by visions of series of new plays I must write.
Anne: Plagued? Perhaps I may call thee a physician, nay? Thou shalt not live twice, as thou knowest, husband.
Will: Thankee my lady, but nay.
Anne: Thou hast finished thy latest play then, about ye ball of thunder? Ye Tempest?
Will: I dreamt of a new character, a most civil servant. Though he ist called Sir James, he hath also a number: Naught Naught Seven.
Anne: Ooh, I like the sound of this. Is this servant in ye service of her majesty, most discreetly?
Will: Aye, 'tis so. This Knight, Sir James, is sent by his boss, a man... or mayhap a woman, or mayhap a man again, I've still to work it out... anyway, Sir James is despatched to vanquish the foes of merrie England, though he actually be half-Scot and half-Swiss.
Anne: Heavens plummet! I knowest that solely for thine eyes are thy drafts, but I would love to hear a little more, husband. I wouldst hope it would give thee a modicum of comfort to know that thy gilded fingers shalt be true of aim, like ye yeoman with a gilded crossbow that thou art. Dost thou have titles yet for these plays of daring-do?
Will: Well, I'm sure I can think of something along ye way...

Last edited by Charmed & Dangerous (19th Jul 2020 05:59)

"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."

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Re: Imaginary conversations

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol
Loved that! (Of course!) Nicely detailed.
Have you seen "Upstart Crow", C&D?

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Re: Imaginary conversations

Yes! My youngest daughter is crazy for Shakespeare, and we love Upstart Crow (or 'ye further adventures of Blackadder' as it should really be called). Are you a fan, Barbel?

Last edited by Charmed & Dangerous (19th Jul 2020 06:04)

"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."

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Re: Imaginary conversations

Absolutely, it's hilarious- and as you say very Blackadder.

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Re: Imaginary conversations

This 'imaginary conversations' thread is a great idea, btw.  ajb007/martini I'm sure some of these have, as you say, more than a grain of truth in them!

"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."

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Re: Imaginary conversations

Mid 2000s. (On set.)

Daniel: You have got to be joking, Martin.
Martin: No, it's really simple. You strip off, we tie you to that chair with no seat, and Mads whacks your balls with this length of rope. Several times. What's not to understand?
Daniel: No f*cking way am I going to do that!!!
Martin: We could change it to a carpet beater if you prefer.
Daniel: Not going to happen!!!
Martin: It'll be a great scene. Mads will deliberately miss hitting you where it counts.
Mads: Martin, is it all right if I put on my glasses for this scene? I wouldn't want to hit Daniel straight in the balls by mistake. Several times.
Martin: No, I'm sure you can manage without them. Now, Dan... Dan? Where did he go?

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Pinewood Studios. 2008.


MARC FORSTER: Move the camera…set up…action…CUT!
DANIEL CRAIG: What’s my motivation in this scene?
MARC FORSTER: We’ll fix it in editing, Dan. Move the camera…set up…action…CUT!
JUDI DENCH: What’s my line again?
MARC FORSTER: I don’t know, we haven’t finished writing it yet. Move the camera…set up…action…CUT!
BARBARA BROCCOLI: I hope you know what you’re doing, guys…
MARC FORSTER: Action! CUT! Action! CUT! Action! CUT! (Laughs maniacally)

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Re: Imaginary conversations

Late 1960s. (On a beach.)

Hunt: So you think you're ready to go then George?
Lazenby: Yeah, no worries.
Hunt: Ok, action!
Lazenby: My name's James, James Bond.
Hunt: Cut! No, George, do it like you did in rehearsal.
Lazenby: Ah, sure, Peter, I get it.
Hunt: Right. Action!
Lazenby: My name's James, Bond James.
Hunt: Cut!
Rigg: Look, I have an idea- would it help if I said "Your name's Bond, James Bond" then he only has to say "Yes"?
Hunt: No, he has to say it.
Baker: I could dub it in?
Hunt: No, too early for that.
Lazenby: I can get it Peter, really I can.
Hunt: Of course you can, George, we'll try it one more time- and if it doesn't work, we'll see what happens with the other fella.

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Re: Imaginary conversations

Barbel wrote:

Rigg: Look, I have an idea- would it help if I said "Your name's Bond, James Bond" then he only has to say "Yes"?
Hunt: No, he has to say it.
Baker: I could dub it in?
Hunt: No, too early for that.

haha, poor George.
I really noticed that last time I watched the film.
That's the unfortunate flipside of ProsAndCons-ifying as you watch, suddenly realising the best Bond film ever actually stars a lead actor who is barely trusted to deliver his own dialog.

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Re: Imaginary conversations

A soundstage at Pinewood, 1987.

TIMOTHY DALTON: (scowls intensely) The name's Bond, James Bond.
JOHN GLEN: That’s…great, Tim.
TIMOTHY DALTON: Something wrong, John?
JOHN GLEN: No, nothing. Just carry on as you were.
TIMOTHY DALTON: (glares ferociously) The name's Bond, James Bond.
JOHN GLEN: There’s something a bit…I don’t know…
TIMOTHY DALTON: (frowning) What is it?
JOHN GLEN: Don’t you think your delivery’s a bit…serious?
TIMOTHY DALTON: (glowering fiercely) Of course not. I’m trying to portray the suppressed psychological resentment a man would feel at having to conform to the wishes of a grotesque and tyrannical body such as MI6, and convey something of the guilt and shame Bond would undergo at having to live up to the expectations of behaving like an international playboy. Its all a metatextual commentary on the fractured existentialist duality of the protagonist, linking cleverly to Orwell, Sartre, Proust and Shakespeare…John…have you fallen asleep?
CUBBY BROCCOLI: How’s Bond 15 coming along, everyone?

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Re: Imaginary conversations

Late 1970s. (Cubby Broccoli's office at Pinewood. He looks out of the window at the activity below, then throws his arm around Michael G. Wilson's shoulders.)

Cubby: Someday, son, all this will be yours.
MGW: What, the curtains?
Cubby: Not just the curtains but the whole world of James Bond. The quarrels over budgets, the reluctant stars, the script conferences, jetting round the globe, maverick directors, publicity stunts... and you're gonna love it!
MGW: Just you show me the ropes, Cubby, I'll do all that.
Cubby: And get your sister to help, once she's old enough.
MGW: Sure, I was planning on that anyway.
Cubby: Above all, you gotta remember that the public is fickle. There's always other studios with other hero characters trying to muscle in on our territory.
MGW: You mean like Matt Helm or Our Man Flint or Harry Palmer?
Cubby: Exactly! I saw 'em all off and we're still going. Who knows what someone's gonna come up with in the future?
MGW: Superheroes? Like Captain America and Iron Man?
Cubby: Nah, that'll never catch on. Maybe they'll turn TV shows into films? But all you gotta do is one thing, Michael- just keep making the Bond movies as regular as clockwork, say every two years. That way even if you make a bummer then there's another before too long, and the public won't let someone else take over.
MGW: I'll remember that, Cubby. What could possibly go wrong?





(I couldn't resist the "curtains" line)

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ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  Love the curtains line!

London, 2005.

Barbara: Welcome on board Dan!
Daniel: Thanks Babs! It's great to have the gig, finally.
Barbara: So, have you given any thought as to how you'll portray bond?
Daniel: Well I want to stamp my own personality on the role. We've had Sean, the school bully, and Roger, the school prefect, and George, the school dropout. We've also had Timmy the Thesp, and Pierce, the smoothie. So I was thinking...
Barbara: Yes? I'm all ears!
Daniel: I was thinking I'd hit the gym. Hard. Play a really tough, ex-military 007. Update him from RNVR to ex-SBS. When you launch me at the Press Conference, maybe on a speedboat surrounded by other SBS types, I want to look tougher and more dangerous than them, no life jacket, that kind of thing.
Barbara: Umm...
Daniel: And I really want Bond to be competent, and charming, and smooth, and especially I think the audience would love Bond to get back to bedding as many chicks as possible, none of that one-girl-per-movie stuff like Tim Dalton, or just one or two like Pierce.
Barbara: Umm...
Daniel: And the films, I'd really want to go back to old-school, exciting missions. None of that silly let's-make-it-personal stuff like Pierce had to put up with, with Alec Trevelyan and Paris Carver.
Barbara: Umm...

"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."

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ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol
Now if only that one was true!

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Re: Imaginary conversations

CoolHandBond wrote:
Barbel wrote:

1965. (A recording studio.)

Barry: Now, Tom, this is in a very high key. You'll need to watch the high B at the end-
Jones: Yeah, yeah. Gimme the mike.

Jones: Good lyrics about Largo, Don
Black: No they’re about Bond
Jones: Really? Most of the words seem to be about Largo to me
Black: Well, I suppose they could apply to both but does it matter? No one’s gonna be talking about it in 2020 are they?

Through the power of a breakthrough in modern technology, we actually have a picture of this conversation-

https://i.postimg.cc/t73ZQgK3/113302749-d4b3801c-df41-47b4-8952-6ee8f7da90c2.jpg

(Don Black has just published his memoirs- I for one will be buying!)

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Since this thread has started, Barbel is on fire!  ajb007/biggrin

Waiting for his version about how they decided to go with Craig  ajb007/lol

President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

-------Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!------

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Re: Imaginary conversations

Since you asked...

2005. (Eon HQ, deep inside a hollowed out volcano. With a monorail.)

BB: Right, we've fired Pierce Brosnan- his films only brought in $1.5 billion at the box office. What do we do now?
MGW: We do what Cubby always said- go back to Fleming.
BB: Seems reasonable, what do the books say?
MGW: They say James Bond has black hair and is six foot tall. You know, like Pierce Brosnan. How about Hugh Jackman?
BB: Nah...
MGW: Clive Owen?
BB: Nah...
MGW: Dougray Scott?
BB: Nah... how about Daniel Craig?
MGW: But, Barbara, he's got blond-
BB: Yes, Daniel Craig!
MGW: And he's only five foot-
BB: (Stamps foot.) Daniel Craig!! Or I'll tell mother!!
MGW: Ok, ok....

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Re: Imaginary conversations

Barbel wrote:
CoolHandBond wrote:
Barbel wrote:

1965. (A recording studio.)

Barry: Now, Tom, this is in a very high key. You'll need to watch the high B at the end-
Jones: Yeah, yeah. Gimme the mike.

Jones: Good lyrics about Largo, Don
Black: No they’re about Bond
Jones: Really? Most of the words seem to be about Largo to me
Black: Well, I suppose they could apply to both but does it matter? No one’s gonna be talking about it in 2020 are they?

Through the power of a breakthrough in modern technology, we actually have a picture of this conversation-

https://i.postimg.cc/t73ZQgK3/113302749-d4b3801c-df41-47b4-8952-6ee8f7da90c2.jpg

(Don Black has just published his memoirs- I for one will be buying!)

ajb007/smile  ajb007/smile  ajb007/smile  If only they had taped the conversation  ajb007/lol

Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.

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I'm sure we got it pretty close!

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2008. (Eon HQ. Michael G. Wilson & Barbara Broccoli are politely listening to David Arnold.)

David: … so I wrote this tune, you’re really going to like it, and I’ve used bits of it in the score. Then I got Don Black to write the lyrics- they’re really good, and he managed to fit the word “solace” in! Then I thought, well I’ve got to go all out here so I asked- you’ll never believe it- Shirley Bassey to sing it!
BB: Er, David-
David: Yes, Shirley Bassey herself! And guess what? She said yes! I mean, I’ve got the real Shirley Bassey, the real James Bond singing person, Dame Shirley herself singing this great song that Don and I wrote!
MGW: David-
David: I never thought she would agree! I mean, I was so pleased that Don agreed to work with me, makes it even more like I’m filling John Barry’s shoes, but Shirley-
BB: David-
David: - and she said it was a great song and she was delighted to be singing it, I mean, I’d never have even thought that-
MGW: DAVID!!!!
David: Oh yes, sorry, Barbara and Michael, what did you want to say?
BB: Well, we’ve asked Jack White if he could come up with something for the main titles.
David: Jack White? But I’ve got this-
MGW: Here, David, put these earphones on. Right, now take a listen…

(Three and a half minutes later.)

MGW: David? David?
BB: What do you think’s wrong?
MGW: I don’t know. He was listening to Jack White’s song for about ten seconds before he got that glazed look in his eyes. Then he sort of shook all over before freezing into that unnatural position. It may be shock.
BB: Do you think he’ll ever move again?
MGW: Well, I hope so. He’s a talented composer who’s a definite benefit to the Bond series. We wouldn’t want to have to replace him for the next film or two with someone derivative and repetitive, even if the director says so.
BB: Do you think we should play him the Jack White song again?
(David leaps up from his chair and runs screaming from the room.)
MGW: ….perhaps not.