476

Re: Imaginary conversations

yes, I‘ve spotted it  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

I was not attempting to do a Connery, I am seeing myself more like one of the pretty boys, something like a Moore/Brosnan impersonator  ajb007/wink

President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

-------Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!------

477

Re: Imaginary conversations

Higgins wrote:

I was not attempting to do a Connery

Glad to hear that

Higgins wrote:

I am seeing myself more like one of the pretty boys, something like a Moore/Brosnan impersonator  ajb007/wink

https://i.postimg.cc/FYL7kSZ9/Sean-connery-having-a-laugh-OTAA-1024x1024.png

https://i.postimg.cc/0K5qxTt6/may-23-2017-file-photo-actor-sir-roger-moore-best-known-for-playing-J77-FM7.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/PCWKzCfj/EIJB5-L5-W4-AUuo-ZV.jpg
https://i.postimg.cc/RN82bJzJ/220px-Pierce-Brosnan-Cannes-Photo2.jpg

478

Re: Imaginary conversations

https://drush76.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/tld2.jpg

President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

-------Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!------

479

Re: Imaginary conversations

ajb007/biggrin  ajb007/biggrin  ajb007/biggrin

480

Re: Imaginary conversations

Does the term Pretty boys mean
The same in Germany ?  ajb007/biggrin

“God has given you one face, and you make yourself another"

481

Re: Imaginary conversations

1967. A warehouse in Leipzig.

A phone rings.
Timmy (picking up the phone): Octopus Buildings and Maintenance, how may I help you?
Charlie (absently stirring his cup of tea): Who is it?
Timmy (straightening up): Yes sir.... where sir?.... (he turns white) umm... but of course sir... (he hangs up).
Charlie: Who was it?
Timmy (gulps): Him.
Charlie (also gulping): The chief? (Timmy nods). Where to this time? Crab Key again?
Timmy: Japan.
Charlie: Japan! What's he got in mind this time? Another underwater base with a big glass window?
Timmy (shakes his head.)
Charlie: A laboratory on a mountain top?
Timmy: Nope.
Charlie: A secret base on an oil rig?
Timmy: Well, there's good news and bad news.
Charlie: Good news first please.
Timmy: We need to build a monorail for the boss. And some cells - and a control room. Oh - and a launch pad for a rocket.
Charlie: A what!! You must be kidding!! (He pauses and reconsiders). Well we like a challenge. And we can always learn Japanese. (He laughs). At least he hasn't asked us to hollow out a volcano or something utterly ridiculous like that...
Timmy: Umm... Would you like a dram of Scotch for that tea, Charlie?

"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."

482

Re: Imaginary conversations

Oh, very good!  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

483

Re: Imaginary conversations

We don't think about SPECTRE's engineering department nearly as often as we ought to  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

484

Re: Imaginary conversations

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  We're gonna need more skips

“God has given you one face, and you make yourself another"

485

Re: Imaginary conversations

3rd October 2020. (The Royal limousine.)

The Duke: I’m getting fed up with this.
The Queen: One must be patient, Philip.
The Duke: But we’ve been driving round the block since April!
The Queen: It is not long now until November.
The Duke: Hmph, well, I hope it’s better than the last one.
(The glass separating the Royal couple from the chauffeur slides aside.)
Chauffeur: Begging your pardon, Your Majesty, telephone call.
(A phone is handed over.)
The Queen: Yes, it is I…. What? Again?
The Duke: What is it, Liz?
The Queen: Driver, keep going round the block.
Chauffeur: How long for, ma’am?
The Queen: Until April 2nd, next year.
The Duke: Oh, for fuc-
The Queen: Philip!

486

Re: Imaginary conversations

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol   ajb007/insane

487

Re: Imaginary conversations

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  Funny but also for us fans a little sad  ajb007/crap

“God has given you one face, and you make yourself another"

488

Re: Imaginary conversations

Barbel's conversation of the Royal's at the Premiere of NTTD will be something to look forward to, too. The Queen might have to gag Philip  ajb007/lol

489

Re: Imaginary conversations

Below is a collaboration, written by (in alphabetical order)-

Barbel, Charmed & Dangerous, The Spy Who Never Dies, Thunderpussy

No-one has seen the whole thing, except me, so if any of the authors comment they're not patting their own backs.



https://i.postimg.cc/SjqqRc37/ursula.jpg



2012. (Buckingham Palace.)
A butler: For you, ma’am. (Hands the Queen a white envelope on a silver tray.)
The Duke: That looks official. What is it?
The Queen: It looks like an invitation.
The Duke: (Rolling his eyes.) Haven’t we fulfilled our quota for this year?
The Queen: I do like the sound of this!
The Duke: (Groans.) Another garden party, I suppose.
The Queen: Something very different, something rather exciting. The Olympics Committee want to film in the palace.
The Duke: What! (Snorts.) What do they want, a close up of the corgis?
The Queen: No, Philip, a short film with James Bond. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. That sort of thing.
The Duke: Oh, no!
The Queen: One is attracted to the idea.
The Duke: ….but dammit all, Elizabeth, it’s undignified!
The Queen: You are an old stick-in-the-mud sometimes, Philip, do you know that? One just feels that it is time for one to try something different, for a change.
The Duke: Cameras in the hallway, cameras in the study. It’s an intrusion, I tell you!
The Queen: They will not be going near any of the private areas, just like with that Sherlock Holmes chap and his friends.
The Duke: Oh yes, that Benedict Cumbersomething wandering around here naked. Awful!
The Queen: (Quietly.) Awful….
The Duke: And that Craig fellow needn’t think he’s going to do the same thing!
The Queen: (Slight smile.) Oh, awful…
The Duke: Terrible!
The Queen: I have made my mind up, Philip. I’m going to do it.
The Duke: Can’t we just get Charles to do it?
The Queen: Who would want to see that?
The Duke: I know! Let’s get Andrew to do an interview!
The Queen: Philip!


(Eon HQ, on top of an Alp.)
BB: ...so this would be an important feather in our cap, working closely with the Palace on such a prominent undertaking, which is why Michael and I have invited you, Bond directors past and present, to join us at this planning stage.
MGW: At this point we’re looking for ideas.
Campbell: Who’s going to direct?
BB: Danny is, that’s already decided.
Boyle: I see this as my first step to directing a Bond film proper.
Forster: Can't see anything going wrong with that.
Mendes: I don’t know, I just can’t see enough subtext to work with.
Forster: I have this vision…
(MGW’s finger hovers over the button marked “Forster”.)
Forster: ...but it’s not quite formulated yet, just give me some time.
(MGW’s finger relaxes… for the moment.)
Apted: I’d like to have been involved seven years ago, shot some footage then, then some more now, and then more in another seven years.
MGW: I don’t think that’s quite practical, Michael.
Apted: And the Queen’s getting on a bit- I’d like to replace her with a younger actress.
BB: Again, that’s not realistic. Who did you have in mind?
Apted: Why, Denise Richards of course.
(MGW’s finger stabs down on the button labelled “Apted”. Apted’s chair ejects through a newly-opened slot in the ceiling. Through the window he can be seen faintly in the distance.)
BB: Now that's what I call a sky fall.
MGW: I’ve been aching to give that a try. Funny, I didn’t think it would be him, though.
BB: Yeah, my money was on-
Forster: I’ve got it! Lead, silver, gold, platinum! Each scene will have a different theme! And we’ll shoot the Queen’s entrance from sixteen different angles, all lasting only half a second on film, and-
(MGW presses the button marked “Forster”. Forster’s chair sinks rapidly through the floor, which shuts over it.)
BB: Twice in one day!
(There is the sound of knocking at the door.)
Muffled Voice: Let me in! I know you’re in there!
Boyle: Who’s that?
MGW: Sshhh! It’s Lee Tamahori. Everyone stay quiet, he’ll go away eventually.


(The Palace.)
Boyle: ….so, Your Majesty, Daniel here will be filmed coming into the Palace, met by your staff, and shown to your study where you greet him and-
The Queen: One is not sure.
The Duke: Hmph!
The Queen: I feel I should be working when Mr… er, Connery?
Craig: Craig, ma’am.
The Queen: Oh yes. I should be sitting at my desk when Mr Moore comes in and be seen to be at work.
The Duke: And I shall be helping, of course.
Boyle: Er, we’ll discuss that later, Your Highness.
(One of the corgis begins to sniff at Craig’s leg.)
The Queen: I shall turn and say “Good evening, Mr Bond” or similar before we leave the study.
Craig: Yes, ma’am.
(The corgi begins to show great interest in Craig’s left leg. He keeps a poker face while gently trying to shoo the dog away.)
The Duke: And the usual Bond ladies will be there too, I hope?
Boyle: Ah, I think it’s better if Daniel enters alone.
(The corgi begins to hump Daniel’s leg. He tries to shake it off.)
The Queen: So, Mr Dalton-
Craig: Craig, ma’am.
The Queen: Oh, of course. He enters my study, waits until I greet him, and we leave together.
Boyle: Yes, that’s it.
(A second corgi appears and sniffs at Craig’s other leg. He is beginning to have difficulty standing still.)
The Duke: And the beautiful ladies are waiting outside the study?
Boyle: No! ...er, no sir. Just the usual Buckingham Palace staff.
The Duke: (Disappointed.) Oh.
The Queen: That will be enough for the moment, gentlemen. My secretary will give you a further appointment tomorrow.
Boyle/Craig: Yes, Your Majesty.
(Boyle and Craig leave, Craig with a corgi on each leg.)
Boyle: (As they walk away.) Well, I think that went very well, don’t you Daniel? The knighthood is in the bag!
Craig: (Mutters.) Wish these f***ing dogs were….


(Pinewood Studios canteen.)
Dame Judi: I've just been speaking with Danny Boyle.
Rory: Oh yes?
Dame Judi: Seems he's filming the opening segment for the Olympic Games tomorrow.
Rory: Nice work- are you involved?
Dame Judi: Not quite- but he told me that Her Majesty is to be accompanied by the greatest James Bond ever. Of course, I asked him what time Sean Connery was arriving... but Danny took in it good humour, you know how close he is to Daniel Craig.
(At that moment, Rowan Atkinson is passing, and smiles at them.)
Dame Judi: Did you hear that, Rowan? Danny Boyle is filming the opening segment for the Olympic Games and requires the services of Her Majesty's greatest secret agent.
Rory: And it's not who you think it is: he's English.
Rowan: (Beaming from ear to ear.) How wonderful. Her Majesty's greatest secret agent is indeed ...English.
(He almost runs to the phone.)
Rowan: Griff?
Rhys Jones: Hi Rowan- what's up?
Rowan: I've just been told that a certain Danny Boyle requires the services of none other than Johnny English! Filming starts tomorrow. I just have time to press my dinner jacket!


(24 hours later. Outside Buckingham Palace. A Mini Cooper pulls up, and Rowan jumps out. A corgi runs over and starts humping his leg.)
Equerry: (To a footman standing close by.) They didn't tell me that Mr Bean was filming too, but that was brilliant! (He beckons Rowan over.)  This way, Mr, ah, Bean.
Rowan: The name's English.... Johnny English. Licenced to.... what is that corgi doing?


(Outside the helicopter.) 
The Duke: So exciting! It’ll be just like that scene in your latest Bond film, Mr Moore.
Daniel: It’s Mr Craig, Your Highness…
The Duke: Yes, that one where you jump off the cliff, and the Union Jack parachute opens at the last possible second. (He turns to the Queen.) I’ve packed your ‘chute dear… say when…
The Queen: (Aside, to Craig.) Mr Brosnan, may I swap with your chute?
Daniel: Umm… of course Your Majesty. (Whispers to Boyle.) Pierce was on set earlier, and insisted on packing my parachute, should I let Her Majesty know?
Boyle: Perhaps you might get HM to sign-off on that knighthood before the jump, eh?
(Craig gives him a look as they walk towards the helicopter. Rowan Atkinson arrives just in time to see it ascend, the Queen and Craig visible through its window. Rowan runs over.)
Rowan: Er, sir?
The Duke: Ah, hello, Mr Bean! Wasn’t expecting you as well as James Bond!
Rowan: (Light dawning.) ….ah.
The Duke: Anyway, what can I do for you?
(Rowan hands him the corgi.)
Rowan: Just returning this, sir.


(Inside the helicopter.)
The Queen: That's impressive, I love a big chopper.
Craig: Ma’am?
The Queen: Philip's got a big one, you know.
Craig: Sorry, ma’am?
The Queen: Oh it's not as nice as it once was, a bit older now, bits falling off it I think.
Craig: Er… that's interesting, ma'am.
The Queen: Charles used to love a go on it...
Craig: Really ma'am, I don't think that.....
The Queen: A Westland Wessex, big old thing, even Andrew used to fly it.
Craig: Oh!! I thought…  er, nothing, ma’am.
The Queen: It's funny that Andrew should say he doesn't sweat. He was certainly  "glowing" after I had had a word with him. Oh look, there's the Houses of Parliament.
Craig: The mother of all Parliaments, ma'am
The Queen: Yes, now filled with the biggest load of motherfu.....
(The engine noise from the helicopter drowns out the rest of what Her Majesty was saying, but she supplements it with hand gestures and finger puppetry.)
The Queen: .....and that David Cameron is another one!!! 
Craig: Too right, ma’am.
(Suddenly Craig moves, opening the door and pulling out his PPK, and shooting at a passing helicopter which crashes on Westminster Bridge.)
The Queen: Amazing shooting, I'm surprised you could hit that from here with only a hand gun!
Craig: I'm sure many will be arguing about that for years to come.
(Craig closes the door.)
The Queen: Oh what fun! Now remember, Mr Lazenby, what have you to aim for?
Craig: I am to try and land on Meghan Markle.
The Queen: Exactly. Oh, we seem to be here. Look, there is the German team marching out.
Craig: How can you tell that they’re the German team from here?
The Queen: They are all wearing green trainers. Now, I do believe that is the Norwegian team following. What would you say, Mr Niven, twenty of them?
Craig: I think they number 24, Your Majesty.
The Queen: Good. Now, time for me to prove why I'm the commander and chief.
Craig: Yes?
The Queen: Are you ready to jump, Mr Craig…. or can I call you Daniel?
Craig: (Gobsmacked.) You knew? You knew all along?
The Queen: But of course. (Winks.) One has to have one’s fun. Like my corgis, I was just pulling your leg. Now, 3...2...1. Jump!
(They both jump from the helicopter, opening two beautiful Union Jacks.)


https://i.postimg.cc/hhwrM0nV/ursula.jpg




(Hope you liked it, Spy Who Never Dies- it was all your idea!)

490

Re: Imaginary conversations

I can see what you‘ve been doing there  ajb007/biggrin  ajb007/biggrin

President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

-------Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!------

491

Re: Imaginary conversations

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

Barbel, you are definitely the John Barry of AJB - both composing and conducting! Fantastic contributions from TP and Spy too!   ajb007/cheers

"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."

492

Re: Imaginary conversations

ajb007/lol  Too kind, C&D, too kind.

493

Re: Imaginary conversations

The authors have every reason to pet themselves

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

494

Re: Imaginary conversations

What a fun read to wake up to  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  It wasn't all my idea, I'm not that clever!  ajb007/embarrassed Thanks Barbel, C&D and TP for making it come together.  ajb007/cheers There are some real gems in there, unexpected lines that link things together. Much talent  ajb007/martini
And the photos are perfect.

495

Re: Imaginary conversations

Glad you liked it, Spy. It was great fun to write with C&D and TP!  ajb007/cheers

496

Re: Imaginary conversations

1973. (Eon HQ, on an oil rig.)

Harry: So we’re sure that Sean isn’t coming back?
Cubby: Nope. I offered him half the GDP of a medium-sized country, an Aston Martin DB5, and a delicatessen in stainless steel but he still said “never again”.
Guy: So, it’s Roger Moore then.
Cubby: It’s Roger Moore.
Harry: Well, we better get on with it. Tom, what are your thoughts?
Cubby: And don’t make it like “Dr No”, this being Roger’s first.
Tom: Well, I thought we shouldn’t see Bond straight away but start with the deaths of British agents. M briefs Bond, very early in the morning, to find out what happened to the agents. We see Bond in his apartment with a beautiful lady.  He arrives at an airport where he’s picked up by a driver who dies soon afterwards. He’s facing off against the ruler of a mysterious Caribbean island who uses the title “Dr” and keeps the superstitious natives away by arousing their fears. Bond will be attacked in his hotel room by a scary creature, placed there by a henchman, but will kill it. A beautiful woman will try to lure him into a trap, but he’s wise to her. He still sleeps with her, though. He’ll be aided by Felix Leiter, of course, and local fisherman Quarrel, and we should see them in a small boat together. An important villain has a metal hand, or hands. And we should film in Jamaica.
Harry: So, not like “Dr No” at all, then.
Tom: No, not at all.

497

Re: Imaginary conversations

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

“God has given you one face, and you make yourself another"

498

Re: Imaginary conversations

MGW: So Quentin, we're curious to hear your pitch.
TARANTINO: Period Bond, m'kay? (Hick!) 1950s. Casino Royale. Hoagy Carmichael style, with a Brylcreamed comma of black hair falling untidily over the forehead. If we go with Pierce. Or a Brylcreamed comma of *blonde* hair if we go with Tim. Roth, I mean... not Dalton. No offence, Pierce! Film noirish. Uma as Vesper. Lots of close-ups of her feet, in nylons, as she kicks off her high heels... Lots, m'kay... slo mo, split screen: feet! Michael Madsen as LeChiffre. What's that? You used him last movie? No worries. Toothpick Vic, Damian Falco, Le Chiffre: s'all good, man; s'all the same vibe. Carpet beater torture scene. He doesn't give a flying f...k what Bond knows or doesn't know. He's gonna torture him anyway, regardless... cos it's amusing to him, to torture a Brit spy! Robert Forster as Rene Mathis. World-weary. Enough to get the heroes and villains all mixed up. With or without the French accent, m'kay? Probably without. Brad Pitt as 'Card Sense' Jimmy Leiter. Texan, with straw coloured hair. Samuel L. Jackson as Nick 'M' Fury,  Agent of Shie... err.. Head of the Brit Secret Service. His 'Eyes-Patch Only' file on Le Chiffre is the one which says 'Motherf.....r' on the docket, right? Kickin' ass. "The path of the righteous Brit is beset on all sides by the tyranny of evil Redland!" Christoph Waltz as Hans Landa Blofeld. Cos it's really been SPECTRE's gig all along, m'kay? (Just like in F.R.W.L. A f......g cool movie, by the way! Props to your step-dad, Mikey!) Climax is a total f.....g bloodbath. Dead Brits. Dead Bulgars. Bond is super pissed. The bitch is dead now. And *I* get total artistic control...
MGW: Thank you, Quentin. We'll... err... get back to you...
BROSNAN: C'mon, guys (hick)! He's our man. This sh.t will rock and roll!
BABS: Hmm, what was that he was saying about a blonde Bond?

Last edited by Shady Tree (4th Oct 2020 22:32)

Critics and material I don't need. I haven't changed my act in 49 years.

499

Re: Imaginary conversations

Barbel wrote:

1973. (Eon HQ, on an oil rig.)

Harry: So we’re sure that Sean isn’t coming back?
Cubby: Nope. I offered him half the GDP of a medium-sized country, an Aston Martin DB5, and a delicatessen in stainless steel but he still said “never again”.
Guy: So, it’s Roger Moore then.
Cubby: It’s Roger Moore.
Harry: Well, we better get on with it. Tom, what are your thoughts?
Cubby: And don’t make it like “Dr No”, this being Roger’s first.
Tom: Well, I thought we shouldn’t see Bond straight away but start with the deaths of British agents. M briefs Bond, very early in the morning, to find out what happened to the agents. We see Bond in his apartment with a beautiful lady.  He arrives at an airport where he’s picked up by a driver who dies soon afterwards. He’s facing off against the ruler of a mysterious Caribbean island who uses the title “Dr” and keeps the superstitious natives away by arousing their fears. Bond will be attacked in his hotel room by a scary creature, placed there by a henchman, but will kill it. A beautiful woman will try to lure him into a trap, but he’s wise to her. He still sleeps with her, though. He’ll be aided by Felix Leiter, of course, and local fisherman Quarrel, and we should see them in a small boat together. An important villain has a metal hand, or hands. And we should film in Jamaica.
Harry: So, not like “Dr No” at all, then.
Tom: No, not at all.

I somehow feel the same conversation was had about YOLT and TSWLM and again with Moonraker.  ajb007/lol

500

Re: Imaginary conversations

Aboard a plane, somewhere in the skies above Africa. 1979.


Stewardess: So…this plan to kill James Bond?
Pilot:…Yes?
Stewardess:…Do I understand you correctly that on my signal you’re going to come in to the cabin, and then shoot the controls?
Pilot: That was what I generally had in mind. Any thoughts?
Stewardess: But…you’ll wreck the plane! You know how these airline contracts work. We’re legally obliged to land at Heathrow within fifteen minutes of the appointed arrival time, otherwise they’ll dock our pay. Apollo Airlines are fully committed to making sure that 80% of flights meet their advertised schedules on time this year…
Pilot: (menacing laugh) I’m afraid that will be impossible.
Stewardess: Do you know how expensive the overheads are for budget airlines nowadays? Not to mention the petrol costs, the maintenance crews, and hiring the hangars on the ground?
Pilot: The death of James Bond is of far greater importance.
Stewardess: Not to my boss, it isn’t! If we lose a plane, there’ll have to be cutbacks. We’ll be forced to drop Ibiza and Crete from the summer routes…
Pilot: A necessary sacrifice. Now welcome Mister Bond aboard, please.
Stewardess: Where are the complementary peanuts and the in-flight magazine? Apollo pride ourselves on our customer service...
Pilot: Just get ready, will you?
Stewardess: OK. (sigh) I knew I should have stayed with Ryanair…