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Re: Imaginary conversations

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."

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Re: Imaginary conversations

2015, a pub in London near EON hq.

Wilson: Can't wait to see the new script, John.
Broccoli: How's it coming along?
Logan: It's um... it's..
Wilson: Yes, John?
Logan: Well, we're still writing it.
Broccoli: "We"?
Logan: Yes, umm, well I wrote most of it. The really good bits. But I've been kinda busy working with Tim and Eva on Penny Dreadful, you know I love that Shakespearean dialogue and no one does it like Tim. And I really don't get all this modern street stuff so, y'know, Neal and Bob gave it a bit of a once over, they really dig their Bond stuff, kept talking about putting Easter Eggs in it, whatever that means, something about volcanoes and Hildebrandt or something, I don't get it.
Broccoli: Okay, I can get on board with that.
Logan: Okay yes, and Jez...
Wilson: Jez?
Logan: Sorry yes Jez Butterworth, buddy of mine, he lobbed in some cool stuff about Mexico I think, not really sure tbh...
Broccoli: Okay, four writing a script is a little bit like too many chefs, but okay.
Logan: Umm, when you say four, don't forget that Dan has been adding some stuff..
Wilson: Look, as long as we get a good solid film, old school, Bond on a mission, none of the silly stuff that Rachel always puts Dan up to, that personal stuff...
Broccoli: Mikey, I don't see how that could possibly happen, I mean we killed off Vesper, M, there's no one left, it's not like he has a long lost brother or something stoopid like that which Rachel could put Dan up to, is it?
Logan: Umm...

"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."

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ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  Once again, probably close to the truth! There may be a little more fun in going down this route... (Plain English: there's plenty in that film to take the piss out of)

(Loved the Shakespeare dig, btw)

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Re: Imaginary conversations

1974:

Cubby: Great to have you back on board, John, I know you’re limited for time but I can feel a great score coming on.
Barry: Thanks, Cubby, so we’ve had Matt Monro, Britain’s answer to Frank Sinatra, also Frank’s daughter, Shirley’s done two, Tom Jones, International star, Beatle Paul McCartney and of course the late, great Louis Armstrong, who am I working with this time?
Harry: Errrr....Lulu
Barry: Lulu?
Harry: Yes...Lulu
Barry: As in Lulu and the Luvvers?
Cubby: Well, short notice and all that...but your theme song will overcome any shortcomings
Barry: Have you see the lyrics? (Passes them over) It looks like Don gave the job to his neighbour, that Michael Winner bloke to write while Don worked on something else!
(Harry dials number on phone)
Harry: Don, I told you I wanted the song to be about Scaramanga not Bond, we had this trouble with Thunderball...
Don: It IS about Scaramanga!
Harry: He’s got a powerful weapon! That’s Bond!
Don: Fits for Scaramanga too
Harry: An assassin that’s second to none. Love is required. No one can match him. Sounds like Bond to me!
Don: Well, it fits them both anyway, does it really matter?

***********
( A couple of weeks later in the screening room)

Cubby: Looking forward to seeing how your score makes the film sound, John. Did I tell you that from now on we’re gonna have a major stunt in each movie which will be the selling point of the movie to audiences, this time it’s the car leap from the bridge.
Barry: Umm...yes, I’ve used an instrument I’ve never used before on a movie
(Cubby claps his hands together) Cubby: Whoa, sounds good, not forgetting this stunt cost a fortune to set up, computers working out the logistics, stunt driver etc etc. What you use John?
Barry: Errrr...a slide whistle....

*************

1975: (Harry has sold his stake in the Bond films to United Artists)

Cubby: I guess that’s it then, Harry, where did it all go wrong?
Harry: Not sure, Cubby, but it’s been good hasn’t it?
Cubby: Sure has, kid, things will never be the same though, what you gonna do with your fortune?
Harry: Well, you know, you always liked the lighter side of Bond, I preferred the FRWL side, like with Harry Palmer. I want to make a movie about Nijinsky.
Cubby: C’mon Harry, no one will want to see a movie about a horse!
Harry: No, not the horse, the dancer!
Cubby: Still won’t sell, Harry, why not buy a delicatessen and run it your way, you’re always sending food back in restaurants, even Roger says that when dining with you everyone has to hold onto their plates!
(Harry grins widely) Yeah, I could have one made in stainless steel!

Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.

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Re: Imaginary conversations

2015. (On set.)

Mendes: Oh, come on Christoph!
Waltz: No!
Mendes: It's not that bad, surely.
Waltz: No! Nein! No way!
Mendes: Really, it'll all be over in a second, you'll hardly notice.
Waltz: Sam, you and I have many awards, Oscars on our shelves, this would be an insult to them. We will be laughing stocks!
Mendes: But I promise, you'll see it all come together later, it'll all make sense once you have the big picture.
Craig: Just do it, Christoph, I had a lot worse in "Quantum Of Solace".
Waltz: Now that I can believe- but still no, unless....
Mendes: Yes? Unless...?
Waltz: Sam, you remember what I was saying just before we started shooting? You know, about the wardrobe....
Mendes: Oh, no, you have got to be kidding!
Waltz: Have I? Well, that's actors for you- they always know which buttons to press.
Mendes: Christoph, no, really....
Waltz: Dum-de-dum.... (Whistles casually.)
Mendes: (Reluctantly.) Ok, you win- you can play the part with no socks.
Waltz: And I will say the line you want me to say.
Mendes: Right, then- action!
Waltz:

Spoiler Cuckoo!

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Re: Imaginary conversations

Missed yours while writing mine, CHB.  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

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Re: Imaginary conversations

This thread is great, such great posts from everyone  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.

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Re: Imaginary conversations

(This one is more imaginary than most of the others)


1966. (Jonathan Cape, Publishers.)

Publisher: Ah, come in Ian. Fancy a drink?
Fleming: But of course- I believe you know the recipe by now.
Publisher: Oh, yes. Now, what have we got this year?
Fleming: I thought I’d do another collection of short stories.
Publisher: You mean like “For Your Eyes Only”?
Fleming: That’s right, but only four of them this time.
Publisher: I hope you’ve thought up better titles this time!
Fleming: Well, you can be the judge. First, I’ve got a story about Bond covering a spy’s escape at the Berlin Wall. Bond has to shoot the assassin who’s going to shoot the spy. He spots a beautiful blonde girl with a cello who’s doing a concert there.
Publisher: I don’t suppose this has anything to do with the fact that your sister plays the cello?
Fleming: Just a coincidence- though in fact, I give my sister a brief mention in the story.
Publisher: Nice one!
Fleming: Bond has some friction with the local man, Sender.
Publisher: Saunders?
Fleming: No, Sender. No good reason to change it to Saunders. It turns out that the assassin is really the blonde girl.
Publisher: Great idea! Does the spy turn out to be a double agent, who gets stolen from the British and then the blonde is his girlfriend but Bond steals her away from him and-
Fleming: No, no, I just stop the story after Bond finds out that she’s the assassin.
Publisher: (Disappointed.) Oh. Well, what do you call it? “Berlin Escape”, perhaps?
Fleming: No, not that.
Publisher: “Trigger Finger” would be a good title.
Fleming: No, I’m calling it “The Living Daylights”.
Publisher: Huh?
Fleming: Bond scares the living daylights out of her, you see.
Publisher: Ah, ok. What’s next?
Fleming: A story about a Fabergé egg being sold at Sotheby’s, and Bond has to identify who’s buying it. It’s called “The Property Of a Lady”.
Publisher: Good, I like that one. I’m sure the film guys will love using that as a title first chance they get.
Fleming: Do you think so?
Publisher: Yes, of course. What, do you think they’ll just make up their own titles using “die” in as many ways as they can?
Fleming: Next is one called “007 In New York”.
Publisher: Hmm, not so sure about that one- what happens in it?
Fleming: Well, there’s a recipe for scrambled eggs and Bond goes to a zoo.
Publisher: Ian…
Fleming: They are really good scrambled eggs. Next, is the title story- “Octopussy”!
Publisher: Say what?
Fleming; Octopussy. It’s about-
Publisher: No, I can’t concentrate. I’m thinking about how I’m going to get that past the censors.
Fleming: I see.
Publisher: You know, I think we’d probably be best releasing these stories in small doses- two here, one there. We won’t collect them all in one volume for, oh, thirty or forty years.
Fleming: Whatever you think is best.
Publisher: I think I need one of your drinks now. Three measures of Gordons, one of vodka….

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Re: Imaginary conversations

1967. (Just outside Pinewood. Ken Adam leads the senior staff to a massive curtained structure.)

Cubby: I hope this is worth it, Ken, you’ve spent a lot of our money on this.
Ken: It will be, Cubby, you are going to love it.
Harry: Well, it’s certainly big enough. That’s a huge curtain you’ve got covering it.
Ken: Yes, I wanted to keep it a surprise for you.
Lewis: I’m keen to see what we’ll be shooting in.
Roald: Me too, it’s been a long wait.
Cubby: Ken has done a good job keeping it secret. He’s also done a good job spending a hell of a lot of money.
Ken: Relax, Cubby, have I ever let you down?
Cubby: Well, I loved the Fort Knox you built.
Harry: And Dr No’s control room.
Lewis: (Impatient.) Let’s see it, Ken!
(Ken grabs a rope and pulls. The huge curtain falls down, revealing the volcano set.)
Ken: There you are, gentlemen. The result of many months of work!
Cubby: (Astonished.) It’s wonderful! There’s a full-size space rocket!
Lewis: (Shocked.) And a monorail! Superb!
Roald: (Stunned.) It’s huge! Fantastic!
Ken: Harry?
Cubby: Harry?
Roald: Harry?
Lewis: Harry?




Harry: ....nah, I don’t like it.

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Re: Imaginary conversations

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

Keep them going guys.

Seems that Barbel has had those prepared in his head for decades and now that he can put them out, he seems to be 20 years younger and ... less grumpy than before  ajb007/lol

President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

-------Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!------

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Re: Imaginary conversations

Just making them up as we go along, Higgins!

And you'll find out how grumpy I am tonight when we watch Austin 2!  ajb007/lol

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Re: Imaginary conversations

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  these are just getting better and better!

"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."

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Re: Imaginary conversations

These are hilarious.

My favourite is the Christopher Lee/ Peter Cushing one, despite its mixed up timelines! But for sassiness it doesn't beat this 1974 real-life quotation of Lee about the Dracula role: "I will NOT play that character anymore. I no longer WISH to do it, I no longer HAVE to do it and I no longer INTEND to do it. It is now part of my professional past, just one of the roles I have played in a total of 124 films!"

The QOS MGW/Babs/Arnold one is also very funny. Having read it I actually listened again to 'No Good About Goodbye' back-to-back with AWTD and... you-know-what? As much as I'm touched by Dame Shirley's performance, I actually prefer...

Last edited by Shady Tree (24th Jul 2020 16:15)

Critics and material I don't need. I haven't changed my act in 49 years.

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Glad you like them, Shady! Here's the latest....



1967. (The Royal Premiere of “You Only Live Twice”.)

Cubby: Now, remember everyone, nobody speaks to the Queen unless she speaks to them first. Everybody got that?
(There are mumbles of agreement as the limousine draws up outside the cinema. The Queen steps out, looking radiant, accompanied by the Duke of Edinburgh. Some ladies in waiting follow as she walks up the red carpet towards the line of film-makers.)
Harry: Hi Queen!
(Cubby’s eyes roll. The ladies in waiting shoot Harry a death glare that would destroy Alderaan. The Queen continues to smile. Dana Broccoli and MGW quietly draw Harry aside.)
Dana: This way, Harry.
Harry: But…
The Queen: So nice to see you again Mr Feldman, so soon after your last James Bond picture.
Cubby: ...er, yes ma’am.
The Queen: Is Peter Sellers in this one, too? He’s such a favourite of my sister.
Cubby: No, ma’am. May I present to you the star of our picture Mr Sean Connery?
The Queen: Of course, good evening Mr Connery.
Sean: Good evening, ma’am.
The Queen: I hope we shall see you playing James Bond for many years to come.
Sean: Ha! That will be fuc-
Cubby: Sean!
Sean: Er, funnily enough Mr Broccoli and I were dishcushing that very shubject earlier, ishn’t that sho, Cubby?
Cubby: (Looks angrily at Sean and speaks through gritted teeth.) Quite so.
The Duke: Scottish fella, aren’t you?
Sean: That’sh sho, shir.
The Duke: Bet you enjoyed being in Japan, beating up all the bloody for-
The Queen: Philip!
(The Royal party move down the line, ending with Dana Broccoli and children.)
Cubby: My family, ma’am.
The Queen: What an adorable little girl! And how old are you?
BB: I’m seven, ma’am.
The Queen: And what do you want to do when you grow up?
BB: I want to produce movies, just like Daddy.
(There is a smattering of polite laughter.)
The Queen: I’m sure you shall! And maybe someday I shall attend one of your premieres.
BB: That’s right ma’am. Maybe someday you shall….

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Re: Imaginary conversations

Barbel wrote:

...
The Queen: I hope we shall see you playing James Bond for many years to come.
Sean: Ha! That will be fuc-

....

The Duke: Bet you enjoyed being in Japan, beating up all the bloody for-
.

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

-------Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!------

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Re: Imaginary conversations

1968.

Sean: I told you both lasht year, I’ve done my last Bond.
Cubby: You always say that, c’mon we’re offering you 750k, no one gets that for a movie!
Sean: Dino gets more for those Matt Helm films ‘cos he gets a pershentage of the profits, give me 5% and I’ll shign up for life.
Harry: We can’t do that Sean, anyway none of your non-Bond films are exactly tearing up the box office, are they?
Sean: I’m putting pen to paper on a weshtern now!
Cubby: A western? Really? What’s it called?
Sean: Ssshhhalako.
Harry: Anything else?
Sean: A drinks company offered me a sheries of TV adverts but I prished myself out of it, they’re going with William Franklyn now as a Bond schtyle character.
Harry: Which brand?
Sean: Ssscccweppes
Cubby: C’mon Sean sign up for the next one, OHMSS.
Sean: On Her Majeshty’s Shecret Shervice, I like that book, give me my pershentage and I’ll shign
Harry: We can get anyone to play Bond they’ll be queuing up round the block!
Sean: But it’s only me who’s Bond, you even put it on the You Only Live Twishe poster - Connery IS Bond
Harry: Listen, Sean, we could even hire an Aussie used car salesman and we’d still make a fortune!

Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.

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Re: Imaginary conversations

ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  that's probably dangerously close to the truth!

"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."

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Re: Imaginary conversations

ajb007/biggrin  ajb007/biggrin  ajb007/biggrin  Loved the Shalako and Schweppes lines!

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Re: Imaginary conversations

2015. (Eon HQ. Script conference.)

Wade: ...so we thought that this time we could make it personal for Bond…
Purvis: ...but we’ve already used the “wife” figure in Vesper…
Wade: ...and the “mother” figure” in M…
Purvis: ...so we decided that this time we’d go for the “brother” angle.
BB: The “brother” angle?
Wade: Yeah, and since you’ve now got the rights to use Blofeld we thought it would be a great original angle to make him Bond’s brother!
MGW: ...er, Bond’s brother?
Purvis: Well, foster brother. Bond knows Blofeld from way back, when they were boys, rather than just meeting him now.
Wade: And we can work in some real Fleming- Hannes Oberhauser, from “Octopussy”, was a father figure to Bond so we create his son who turns out to be Blofeld!
Mendes: I’m not so sure about this…
Purvis: It’ll be great- before Oberhauser reveals that he’s Blofeld he can say “We’re not so different, you and I, Mr Bond”…
Wade: ...and then reveal that they’re (foster) brothers!
BB: Foster brothers…
MGW: Oberhauser is Blofeld…
Mendes: (Sarcastically.) And I suppose you’d want Michael Caine to play their father?
Purvis/Wade: (Together.) Great idea!
Mendes: Call him, oh, Nigel perhaps....?
Purvis/Wade: Sure!
Mendes: Boys... Neal, Robert... I don’t suppose you’ve heard of the Austin Powers movies?
Wade: Austin Powers?
Purvis: No, we’ve been too busy creating “Johnny English”.
MGW: Well, I don’t know…
BB: I suppose there are some people who wouldn’t connect the ideas…
Purvis: And Blofeld can say that his cat is called Mr Bigglesworth!
Wade: And have a clone, one eighth of his size!
Mendes: No, I think that’s going too far.
BB: (Whispering.) What do you think, Mike?
MGW: (Whispering.) I don’t know…

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ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol  ajb007/lol

I think Barbel has an insider in the Bond camp, these postings are all too real!

Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.

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Re: Imaginary conversations

Shady Tree wrote:

These are hilarious.

My favourite is the Christopher Lee/ Peter Cushing one, despite its mixed up timelines! But for sassiness it doesn't beat this 1974 real-life quotation of Lee about the Dracula role: "I will NOT play that character anymore. I no longer WISH to do it, I no longer HAVE to do it and I no longer INTEND to do it. It is now part of my professional past, just one of the roles I have played in a total of 124 films!"

https://i.postimg.cc/LhqysrXm/dracula-and-son-aka-dracula-pere-et-fils-from-left-bernard-menez-christopher-E5-N99-N.jpg

This 1976 film proves only one thing- Never Say Never Again!   ajb007/lol

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Barbel wrote:

2015. (Eon HQ. Script conference.)

Wade: ...so we thought that this time we could make it personal for Bond…
Purvis: ...but we’ve already used the “wife” figure in Vesper…
Wade: ...and the “mother” figure” in M…
Purvis: ...so we decided that this time we’d go for the “brother” angle.
BB: The “brother” angle?
Wade: Yeah, and since you’ve now got the rights to use Blofeld we thought it would be a great original angle to make him Bond’s brother!
MGW: ...er, Bond’s brother?
Purvis: Well, foster brother. Bond knows Blofeld from way back, when they were boys, rather than just meeting him now.
Wade: And we can work in some real Fleming- Hannes Oberhauser, from “Octopussy”, was a father figure to Bond so we create his son who turns out to be Blofeld!
Mendes: I’m not so sure about this…
Purvis: It’ll be great- before Oberhauser reveals that he’s Blofeld he can say “We’re not so different, you and I, Mr Bond”…
Wade: ...and then reveal that they’re (foster) brothers!
BB: Foster brothers…
MGW: Oberhauser is Blofeld…
Mendes: (Sarcastically.) And I suppose you’d want Michael Caine to play their father?
Purvis/Wade: (Together.) Great idea!
Mendes: Call him, oh, Nigel perhaps....?
Purvis/Wade: Sure!
Mendes: Boys... Neal, Robert... I don’t suppose you’ve heard of the Austin Powers movies?
Wade: Austin Powers?
Purvis: No, we’ve been too busy creating “Johnny English”.
MGW: Well, I don’t know…
BB: I suppose there are some people who wouldn’t connect the ideas…
Purvis: And Blofeld can say that his cat is called Mr Bigglesworth!
Wade: And have a clone, one eighth of his size!
Mendes: No, I think that’s going too far.
BB: (Whispering.) What do you think, Mike?
MGW: (Whispering.) I don’t know…


I think you should make some changes, or EON will realise you've got a microphone in their office!

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Curse you, CHB and N24, you've seen through my plan!  ajb007/amazed

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Re: Imaginary conversations

It was getting a bit to obvious .....

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Re: Imaginary conversations

These are brilliant! You should all offer your services for the next Bond script.